As a lefthanded writer of a left-to-right language, I hate ball point pens. They jam, they scratch the paper, and the ink doesn't flow properly. Fucking right handed privilege. If you laugh at or feel disdain for that remark, go ask righthanded writers of right-to-left languages (like hebrew and arabic) what sort…

I'm also short and busty. It's not just the boob factor. Seat belts, even the adjustable ones, go across my neck then directly over my boob. It's miserably uncomfortable in the everyday, but I obsess over the thought that if I do get in an accident I've got a strap across my throat.

Women's razors that don't become dull after one use, or that don't have 2 inches of pointless plastic making it impossible to de-clog the blades.

Imagine being able to change out the gusset in panties. It'd be wonderful.

A fool-proof deodorant or an absorbent (and boosting?) cloth that you could slip under your boobs on really hot days so that the sweat doesn't stain and ruin your very expensive bras. SOMEONE SOLVE UNDER-BOOB SWEAT IT IS RUINING MY LIFE.

Cocaine-coated tampons. "They'll numb your womanly areas. And they'll pep you up and add a spring to your step during Aunt Flo's visit. The grayest week of the month will be nothing but sunshine with Blowtex!" (Obviously the tampons will have a vintage ad campaign, because otherwise what is even the point of their…

Every time I clean up our computer room I find a few pens - they reproduce when you aren't looking, and they go into the pen basket or junk drawer. Who the fuck has zero writing utensils in their living place? (Aside from this asshole.)

I had a vision last night - seriously, I'm not making this up - of a razor commercial with a man and a woman, side-by-side.
In the commercial, both the man and woman are wearing jeans and button down shirts. Okay, maybe the woman is wearing a jean skirt. And they are both talking about how they both bought the same…

Regarding the freezing cold "metal shoe horn."

I am cheap enough that I can usually avoid the lure of products that are more expensive just for the packaging.

Brilliant.

Pockets. Pockets in your pants! Pockets in your dresses! Pockets in your skirts! MOTHER FLIPPIN HIDDEN NINJA POCKETS TO STORE YOUR SHIT.

I don't know what blows me away more : the utter pretension of the piece, or that I think it's a giant load of bullshit. OH NO I DONT HAVE A PEN! THE HORROR! IF ONLY THERE WAS A STORE THAT SOLD THIS EXTINCT PIECE OF TECHNOLOGY! Oh wait, there's every store in every city.

Shark Week packages! Cardboard boxes with pads, tampons, menstrual cups whatever, midol, chocolate, whatever...with brightly coloured outsides.

a pill you take when you become fertile to stop ovulation and the thickening/shedding of the uterine wall and another pill you take to un-do it when you want to have a baby.

Any "writer" who has not had a pen in his/her apartment for over two months is simply not a writer.

It depends on the designer. A Balenciaga vagina would be sleek and trendy. A De La Renta vagina is timeless and classic. A Betsey Johnson vagina says "hey, I like to party". And a Chanel vagina says nothing. It just smokes cigarettes and judges penises for being too fat.

Whoa. "Your feelings are the problem." If only women didn't have consciousness and were programmed like robots so their rights and feelings didn't get in the way.

It would take a lot more than asking Ben Stein for money to make someone a bigger piece of shit than Ben Stein.

Eh, I can imagine HS kids being pretty cavalier about paperwork, and parents just saying, "Fuck it, I'm filling this out and sending it in because it's over due and he's not living at home. Have fun in the straight-edge dorm, Junior."