There is a woman in Portland, OR who has a Pussy Wagon. That's not a slur. It's a pickup with "Pussy Wagon" written across the tailgate. Best part? She works in Corporate America. It did my wage slave soul good to see it parked in front our corporate headquarters every day.

I had about a dozen Mississippi jokes lined up, but in the end just couldn't find one perfect enough for the occasion. I'm from Alabama and even I would need at least a couple pounds of weed to dull the pain of a short visit in Mississippi.

She should have just given them Kalteen bars instead. "Sorry, we only carry sizes 1, 3, and 5. You could try Sears".

Yes! I would so bet on that race!

"Oh God What Is That Smell comes from behind to take the lead on the homestretch. Oh God What Is That Smell wins by a nose! Oh God What Is That Smell!"

Seabisquik!!! OMG I LOVE THIS. What is wrong with me.

My cowboy uncle and aunt raise and train horses - one year they had a filly out of Mia Whisky Fantasy and a stud called Mr Faceman. Face Down In Whiskey went on to win a lot of awards, which I hope annoyed the hell out of the show snobs.

I always wanted to name a racehorse something like "Last Place" or "Glue Factory". I will finance my horse-owning through the profits of my hit rock band "Godawful Racket."

My mormon parents refused to ante up for civilized hotel rooms, so we had to kamp at KOA kampgrounds my entire childhood. Hated. It.

Eesh, I feel for you. I wouldn't have been able to pretend it was ok. I would've straight up told a customer: "if you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to eat out" and walked away.

No, there really isn't a reason except entrenched sexism that bars a lot of women from getting opportunities in the first place.

On top of everything else, I hate lemon water. HATE. I despise that weak, bitter, rind-y flavor piss-tiddling through a perfectly good glass of H2O. I like lemonade. I like water. BE ONE OR THE OTHER, BEVERAGE. ONE. OR. THE. OTHER.

Being healthy and successful isn't worth having to experience mornings. Not to mention actively participating in mornings. *shudder*

I don't hate religious conservatives, I have some friends who are religious conservatives! But there's no need for them to flaunt their lifestyle choices in public and they should NOT be allowed to have children to indoctrinate.

I have a fairly common, phonetic, anglo saxon name and people still manage to mispronuonce it constantly. Conclusion: people are dumb.

I'd suggest seppuku, but that requires some degree of honor.

Any time anyone has EVER said something to me about the (always too much) amount of makeup on, I tell them, "Look, I paint with ALL the colors of the wind." I also remind them that I didn't ask for their opinion, which they ought to realize means that I don't care what they think about it. (This speech has been given…

Can we file this one away with the Great Pubic Hair Debate? As in, let's stop talking about it. I know men don't understand my turquoise eyeliner, OK? I've known ever since that survey in Seventeen magazine nearly two decades ago that told me that guys don't "understand" purple nail polish. I'm wearing purple nail…

As a former soldier, I think the question to ask is: how are these grooming styles impacting a soldier's readiness? I don't know about the hairband—would wearing that interfere with the soldier's wear of her headgear in garrison or kevlar in the field? I honestly don't know (more on that in a second.) The styles…