"What did she save you from?"

"UUUGGGGGGHHHHH, for shit's sake. No good deed goes unpunished, AMIRITE??"

Is it really surprising that the Knowles-Carter family squabble isn't on every tabloid cover? Tabloids don't like putting black celebs on their cover. There are no white people involved in this story. Even stories about Kanye and Kim usually just have Kim on the cover.

This makes about as much sense to me as the original quote from Shia LaBeouf.

Casey Kasem's disappearance looks like a job for Scooby-Doo!

"What to do if your column is cancelled and you need a new job: Write up your CV (resume in America) and send it out applying for open jobs. Network with people you know, let them know you're available. If your throat gets dry and you need a cold drink during a job interview, put some ice cubes in a glass of water…

She also used past incorrectly. She means passed, in the future perfect tense to be exact.

I know I could be quarreling with how terrible her content is but since it's too stupid to acknowledge, I will play grammar police instead.

I really don't understand it. She just cannot win. I've never seen someone so hated for doing nothing bad to anyone. She may not be super-smart and eloquent or well-informed (how many people in Hollywood are?) but I know she's campaigned for awareness of the Armenian Genocide for years.

So when Kim Kardashian writes (or "writes," more likely) a lackluster, college-freshman-level essay about racism, it's super lame and great to make fun of, but when Beyonce writes (or "writes") a lackluster, college-freshman-level essay about the wage gap, it's the second coming? I will never understand this site's…

I'm pretty sure she was going for stylistic continuity, notice none of the other examples have proper names given.

BECAUSE KRISTY THOMAS WAS A BIG OL' LESBIAN AND WANTED TO KEEP THE BABYSITTERS CLUB A CLAMBAKE!

This gif is the only good thing that's happened in my life in a week.

After a brief foray into the comments section:

"EXCEPT (conjuction): used before a statement that forms an exception to the one just made." - OED

I want to hate Diane Keaton and I just can't. I get where she's coming from. She's known Woody for what? 40 years or something? That's a long time. Sorry. Don't yell at me.

"I'm no racist, but..."

Horrible is forcing a woman to be an unwilling incubator. A man can have as many children as he wants, provided he can conceive, carry and birth them himself. A woman's body and everything contained therein are hers.

Yes, but you're not handed the sonogram to take home if you're planning on aborting.

OK. Sorry. You SO could've delivered your point without the "fuck you" but this is Jezebel. I wish you well.

You won't believe how inane Upworthy is! Click here for the shock of your life!