The halcyon days of Kim.

Kim was very beautiful most of her life. Now she just looks like a Bratz Doll.

Pinnacle Cinnabon Vodka, no less.

Good, 'cause I get panicky when I think you're mad! (I am really not that sassy I guess.)

I know; I'm a journalist, albeit not on a national level.

I hate this story SO much. I was hoping you wouldn't post it, Mark, but I suppose it's a classic Shrayber. :'-(

Re: Ellie Goulding

This is a "shoe dunnit" the likes of which have never been seen!

Thanks, Butters. It isn't weird at all that you now know so much about my body by going through my old posts!

?

He hates perfume!

Miss Dior Cherie offends your olfactory senses? Hmph!

We're doomed to be star crossed lovers!

Haha. East Coast.

What's wrong with watching porn and South Park? Sometimes they're one and the same, if you're watching the right episode...

Offended me? Never!

Butters, don't try to initiate cyber sex. This is Jezebel, not an AOL chat room!

GUY FIERI'S QUEEF-LAUNCHING CIGAR SMOKE-LACED FUNNEL FRIES DRIZZLED WITH A JAMESON GLAZE

He's being nice because we started having a fauxmance today!