If I may join the party...

Oh, for fuck’s sake. What is this world anymore?

If you had asked me that when I was a new mother, I would have told “mommy porn” would be me watching someone else (anyone- I have no standards) clean my house, do laundry and change diapers while I rest for just one fucking minute.

Friends, I would like to take this opportunity to announce that I am now selling tickets for S’morez Fe$t. For the low, low price of $100 you can eat a Lucky Charms marshmallow while listening to Spotify in my backyard. Bug repellant for the mosquitos is just $19.99 extra. My Instagram has a picture of my cat giving…

It’s almost as if these event organizers have no idea what they’re doing and sincerely believe motivation and desire are all one needs in life to be successful.

He took a nap earlier so mom is cool with it.

*unzips*

Paul Ryan doesn’t want to fix Oabamacare, he wants to burn it to the ground. There is no way to negotiate with a person who holds that stance. he’s basically a political terrorist.

He’s out pretty late for a school night.

I thought of his comment about having the tallest building in NYC and wanted to hurl the television out the window.

If you are a 17 year old boy they accelerate faster than the space shuttle. You just have to believe.

Let’s not forget that the First Lady also stopped online bullying.

what makes you think he won’t?

It’s Monday Night Football, the teams wanna make the right start

Are you ready for some FOOTBALL? Are you ready for a PARTY?

sure... without her magic necklace. Just for you.

a nude public burning, perhaps? asking for a friend