Did the video match the story Ray Rice told you?

"Yeah, you know what Roger, that excuse fucking stinks."

This guy makes me pine for the quiet elegance of the average soccer hooligan.

Well Known Scumbag Defends Other Well Known Scumbag

Reasons The Ravens and the NFL Stopped Trying To Obtain Elevator Video, Ranked

3,000 pills over two years does seem like an awful lot, but remember, none of these guys is as big of a tone-deaf asshole as Roger Goodell.

"Eleven errors, ha! Good one. We like it."

Yes but then we would't get to hear good old what's-his-face's hot take.

Not sure if it's a quart bottle, but it's about twice as big as a regular beer bottle, anyway I'm not going to get a graduated cylinder out and measure the friggin' thing, but: Switchback is a pretty excellent beer that only comes in a big bottle (or on tap).

I'm writing a screenplay called "Marmy & Ek", it's about two fun-loving detectives who solve crimes all day and make love (not to each other, to hot babes) all night. Also they are geniuses and really good at MarioKart

Oh Plus Fucking One.

I hope when this story is fully 'vetted, we all get the truth and nothing but the truth.

Reporter: Did you see the elevator video before issuing the two game suspension?
Goodell: [squirms] No.
Goodell's Nose: [grows two inches]
Reporter: Having seen the video now, do you believe the punishment should be revisited?
Goodell: [shuffles from foot to foot] No.
Goodell's Nose: [grows two inches]
Reporter: Do you…

"Well yes, we had heard about the elevator video, but we assumed all it showed was love."

I had a similar turtle experience. One day at the summer camp I worked at, I strolled past the loading dock just after a semi had delivered the week's food. There was a decent sized turtle who had just been crushed by the giant tires and was slowly dying, and painfully. I was older than my when in my bird-murdering…

DON'T EVER SHARE ANYTHING ELSE EVER PLEASE

Dick is survived by his children Susan, Sandra, Steve, Harry & Ina.

I am also an animal murderer. I may have shared this in an old DU!AN (remember those?), but:

1. Everyone Who Isn't Me

Once upon a season dreary,
while I pondered a weak secondary
And dreams of many quaint and curious playoffs of forgotten lore
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came thunder clapping,
As of reporters fap fap fapping, fapping at Ray of yore
What murder? Sell some jerseys! Bilk the fans! Forget the gore!