HUNTER PENCE? MORE LIKE UNABLE TO BE A TRUE AMERICAN SPROTSMAN OR DEFEND HIS FAMILY PENCE AMIRITE THANKS TO LIBTARDS

PENCE? ISN'T THAT FOREIGNER MONEY? ONCE AGAIN OBAMA SELLS USA PATRIOTS OUT

PENCE RIMES WITH FENCE HEY OBUMMER AND PELOSHEDVIL HOW ABOUT SECURNG ARES 4 ONCE

Also, the addition of the wildcard team extended the post season. Also, the weight of the ball was increased by 3.6 grams which allows pitchers to throw with higher velocity. Also, Bud Selig is an old asshole who sucked the life out of baseball.

Sadie is ok with growing old. Sadie is ok with becoming ugly. Sadie is ok with the knowledge that someday she, her brother, her parents, and every person she has and will know, along with those she doesn't know and never will, will slip the surly bonds of earth to touch the face of God. This does not scare her. This…

Thanks Tommy. Some thoughts:

Meanwhile, Eli Manning dropped his keys down the storm drain, again.

A-Rod: Can I get a hamburger?
Cashier: Sorry, just salads.
A-Rod: Cheeseburger?
Cashier: Sorry, just salads.
A-Rod: Steak and cheese?
Cashier: Sorry, just salads.
A-Rod: Chicken parm?
Cashier: Sorry, just salads.
A-Rod: Ugh, fine. Well can you at least toss my salad?
Cashier: [quits]

Bingo. Just like the contractor who says "now I'm not gonna lie to you" who then immediately proceeds to lie to you.

+1

I like this, Curtis.

Father Duck: [sits on shores of Niagara River]
Father Duck: [gestures with wing across to Canada]
Father Duck: Quack quack quack, quack quack quack.
Daughter Duck: [nods solemnly]
Father Duck: [squints at far shore]
Father Duck: Quack quack...
Father Duck: [kicks pebble into river]
Father Duck: Quack.
Father Duck: [sighs]
Fathe…

I feel like it's a solid premise but the execution just isn't there. In particular, the ending comment and the dialogue of "How dare you, sir! You have no basis for saying that!" feels...off. I kind of like the absurd and that's what you was going for there, but I don't think it really works in context of the scenario…

oh goddamit

A police spokesman noted the group, when apprehended, will be charged with petty larceny, but not indecent exposure. "I mean, it's not like they put mayo on those burgers."

This guy definitely buys a lot of stock in aluminum mines.

Well tops on the fake apologies list is my neighbor Gary with his classic "Sorry I banged your wife, but maybe if your dick wasn't so small?"

What a fucking idiot this guy is. "they suck" was nominated for seven Tony Awards.

Suck on that, Shakespeare.