Cops doing this is a bit sketch, but what do people think about a regular person conducting or hiring someone to do a background check?

I will devour this like so much maple sugar snow candy.

Ahhhhhh! I have been waiting my whole damn life for this! This is so exciting! Holy shit.

My brother and I were taught from a very young age to sit silently, with a napkin in our laps, and practice fine dining manners (like signaling the server by putting the fork and knife at 5 o'clock or tearing off and individually buttering each piece of bread). If we acted up we were given one warning, then abruptly…

Well, that's just plain awful. As someone who was in the military, I can speak to the amount of damage all of this infidelity and drama do, and how much more prolific it is in the military compared to the civilian world.

Wide and thick does the trick.

I've slept with that guy. We've all slept with that guy.

DISSENTING OPINION: I remain convinced Gaston is one of those dudes with a tragically enormous dick, who thinks that his huge schlong means he has to do zero work in the sack. He just bumps your cervix for five minutes then rolls over and congratulates himself for being such a superior cocksman.

It's meaty and hefty. It has a warm personality and probably tastes like freshly baked bread.

Yeah, I don't know why, but his dick was the only one out of all of these that made me fluttery.

"Someday my prince will cum."

Wait, John Smith is American? It's been years since I've seen Pocahontas but wasn't the whole point that he came over with the English settlers? (I mean, not that I want to claim John Smith, he sucks, you can have him, Flynn is mine, the end.)

Not food related, but my favorite of my own dumb criminal experiences was when I worked at Best Buy many moons ago. I worked in the Home Theater department and the register for that department was in what we nicknamed the "dark alley" of the store — it was set all the way in the back corner and surrounded by large TV…

You should seriously consider writing more about your travels. I would love to read them.

I concur. Dead Dog in the Bayou will be a best seller

I once worked at Spencer Gifts in a retirement community in Florida. While that sentence might be enough to pique your interest, the more in-depth stories from that place are really all solid gold, because that job was just, well, insane/incredibly entertaining. From 80 year old dudes out for their morning ritual of…

During grad school I worked in a parking booth at the university hospital. It was usually a great job, I always took night shifts so that I was basically being paid to study. Nothing ever happened, really.

I'm a supervisor at a warehouse here in Texas. I'm the one that closes up in the evenings. This was a Friday night and my wife and I had plans. I knew it was going to be a long day so I brought a change of clothes and my PH bag to work with me. Also know that I had just bought a bar and new Mustang GT. This is…

*cracks knuckles* I have a few.

Uh, building a desk fort when you have nothing better to do sounds awesome. And I'm now sad that my workspace desks are bolted together in such a way that I cannot construct a fort.