If your girl cheats on you, she’s not your girlfriend, she’s his.

The IOC would feel really bad about this, but in their defense, the bribes were exceptionally large.

Trying to make bad relationships work.

One of my favorite sentiments is “never light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.” You can’t help or be there for anyone else if you can’t keep yourself whole and sane.

As a former pizza delivery guy, don’t order delivery during a major snowstorm. The roads often aren’t plowed until the storm has slowed and nobody should risk harm to deliver a $12 pizza.

Charlie Sheen’s sloppy seconds? I’ll take my chances with this needle I found in a gutter.

you forgot Metatron!

We bought one lottery ticket and had a great time talking after dinner about what our family would do with $1.5B. It got our kids really interested in things that would never come up in family discussions (Swiss bank accounts, prenuptial agreements, small businesses, travel to foreign countries). My son wondered if he…

I once was out of town and I called my wife around 5:00 PM on a Saturday. I was renting a room and after the call I took a little nap.

I particularly remember the way his poops smelled

But enough about what Big Ben likes to get up to in public restrooms, how’s he gonna get ready for the game?

Torn ligaments? I guess you might say his shoulder is in less than Burfict shape.

He was laughing at something completely unrelated, was startled when she bumped him, then checked her out from the back. End of story, nothing more to see here...move along.

….Manziel partied with a fake wig

Just wondering, does HGH help you regrow fingers? I’m asking for a friend.

That fence needs a fresh coat of water seal.

97% right now, The salon dislike it.

Hah. Randomly looking at the window at the supermarket, I see a big kid go whizzing past the cars, standing up on the back of the cart, his mom following behind with the will-he-EVER-grow-up gait. Then I recognize the mom and realize it’s her husband, who’s 5 years older than me. I’m 45. :)

All of the name calling, yelling and cursing is great, but nothing in this post, or any of the WYTS posts will match the use of asterisks as insults.