I am so beyond sick of these ridiculously pale female characters in obviously tan worlds. Why is everyone so tan but the woman? Like how in Stargate the princess and love interest just happened to be the SINGLE WHITE CHICK amongst thousands of ambiguous brown people. We get it, mainstream media, white is pure and…

I'd give anything to have an office to hide in.

I should! Mostly I do crossword puzzles.

Do you lie on the floor all glamorously and dramatic?

I have just been hiding in my office instead.

Ah, the halcyon days of the '90s, when we humans dwelled placidly under the dot-com bubble, foolishly investing all of our money in Beanie Babies and plucking out most of our eyebrow hairs....

I could almost go see it with some friends and give it the Mystery Science Theater 3000 treatment that it so deserves.

Yes. And the fanfic was called "Master of the Universe." Srsly. Lol. I remember reading a "bootleg" copy of it because the original had been pulled from her site because she was reworking it for original publishing and I was like "Ha! Good luck, there!! No one is going to buy this crap." Which just goes to show I…

I mean, he's still super-attractive, but he is certainly *more* attractive with facial hair.

"There really isn't much to know about me. I mean, look at me."

This line killed me.

I think Secretary had acting in it. This just looks appalling.

Yeah, that's the amusing thing. All the girls I know that fawn over this book have never tried BDSM in their life, which just makes me kind of sad.

Fifty Shades started off as a very long Twilight fanfic and then the author switched the names :(

Oh, fuck it. I'm going to see it. White wine in my Nalgene bottle, probably a pb&j too, tons of fucking candy and I'm going to love every corny/hot/weird moment of it.

Man, Jamie Dornan looks about 1000x better with facial hair. I was not really feeling his crazy eyes in this trailer. But since I have no desire at all to see this movie, I suppose that I'm not the target audience anyway.

She's like bella swan with a fringe

If I didn't know how shitty the books were, not list "Secretary" as one of my favorite movies ever or wasn't actually into BDSM this trailer just might make me want to see this. Good job editing team.

You're wrong. Berger was a fucking tool. But so was Aidan. Aidan was a dirty hippy and a closet chauvinist. He probably single handedly spawned the hipster generation.

No he wasn't. He had beady little eyes. And he was shifty creep. Like a gecko. But not cute like a real gecko.

You mean first there was FOMO. That term has been used by myself and a ton of people I know going back to the mid 90's.