Nope, you’re not! I’m a biologist and I love arthropods. (Well, most arthropods.) Tarantulas are not especially dangerous to humans. Not that I’d want one running up my leg on an aircraft, but I’d much rather have a tarantula in my lap than a house fly in my soup.

I’m long past their demographic, but when Forever 21 started advertising their imminent presence in malls some years back, I immediately presumed from their name that they were purveyors of sturdy doubleknits, in dozens of coordinated ice-cream colors, to the octogenarian set. (Anyone who has ever encountered a…

This. I really lose it when people think it’s great to remove wild animals from their habitats and attempt to keep them as pets. A few years back, some idiot who thought it was a great idea to keep a lion in rural Michigan got a big surprise when it killed his neighbor. And then there was that disturbed guy in Ohio…

I think that the resemblance between chimps and us makes too many people forget that chimps are wild animals. Also, treating a great ape like a pet is a bad, bad thing. Not only was Sandra Herold keeping Travis in a completely inappropriate habitat, but she was allowing him to drink alcohol, take Xanax (!), and eat…

I’m grateful that I never had to go through this — but two people in different branches of my extended family did experience it, and had to cut off whatever minimal relationships they had with their disturbed mothers at heartbreakingly early ages. Fortunately, both had other family members who were loving and…

Lots of deodorants also contain talc. I used to swipe my legpits with deodorant for years. Sprouted a (fortunately benign) ovarian tumor that had to be surgically removed when I was 40. Can’t prove, of course, that the deodorant caused it. But I’d be careful with the stuff anyway.

They also found out a couple of years ago that her cancer was a result of infection with human papilloma virus (HPV). Not surprising, since HPV is responsible for almost all cervical cancers. It’s a good thing we have a vaccine against it now.

Henrietta Lacks’ tumor cells got at least a small measure of revenge against the research community. HeLa cells are so robust that if they contaminate other cell cultures in the lab, they outcompete the original cells and swamp the culture. They got into the culture stocks of some major laboratory suppliers, and there…

In addition to the qualified and knowledgeable C.N.M.s, there’s another group, the far more common certified professional midwives [C.P.M.s], who often “fall short of international standards.” Unlike C.N.M.s, C.P.M.s receive far less training; their certification is often from correspondence classes, and C.P.M.s only…

It’s counterproductive to starve oneself while engaging in unaccustomed hard exercise. That has to be a psychologically and physically miserable experience. Has anyone looked into whether these weight-maintenance problems are intensified by combining extreme dieting with a punishing exercise regime?

When Macy’s chopping-block list came out, I quickly found on it (a) the store in my home town and (b) the one in the small city where I live now. Engulfed, devoured, and excreted. The one in my home town used to be an excellent regional chain. Then again, if that store still existed, people wouldn’t be shopping at it…

Boehner has run out of fucks to give, and it’s awesome to watch. Especially since this incarnation of the Republican Party is so determined to crush the hearts and minds of its own.

As one of my friends summarized it: “Met the Pope. Tired of you knuckleheads. Peace out.”

When your child dies slowly and painfully because of your negligence, but you still whine about how you’re being attacked for your beliefs, your priorities are fucked up beyond repair. And that goes for both your religious and your secular priorities.

Same here. I felt ill when I read about the misery that poor child went through.

It’s not part of anyone’s job to put up with abuse. Thick skins are good, but saying “You should toughen up” to the person who is being abused doesn’t do a damn bit of good. That person is already stronger than most of us, for persisting and prevailing in a career where she’s regularly subjected to that stuff.

I’ve always wondered if people who have to use those extremely powerful dryers multiple times a day — say, in a workplace restroom — are also at risk of hearing loss. Some of those dryers produce a level of noise that is actually painful, even for someone sitting in a stall a few yards away.

I would like to see more of these idiots be charged with crimes, and actually serve some prison time if convicted. People have the right to believe and talk about any batshit rumor they like, but when they start harassing and intimidating the families of murder victims, they need to answer for it.

Fuck this. If the police had interrupted every squabble between kids in my seventh-grade class by throwing the participants to the floor and handcuffing them, there wouldn’t have been anyone left in class at the end of an average week. And that was circa 1968.

The thing about Trump’s makeup that I can’t unsee: The horrifying white concealer that he slathers under and around his eyes. He looks like a middle-schooler experimenting with makeup for the first time.