Being in the audience is not "doing."

I don't know if he identifies as Republican, but Norm Macdonald became a pro-life Christian somewhere along the way. He mentions it in passing on his podcast, between wildly offensive jokes about 9/11 that most Christians I know would kick you out of their house for repeating. So, it's a weird vibe.

I was just about to make the same comment. I only saw a handful of pictures because I got tired of the lag and ridiculously complex layout. Why does every artist on the internet have to do that with their website? If you took some great photos, just stick them up on a page and be done with it.

I don't know if there's a point to any section of the newspaper since the internet.

I've never heard that, but it's great.

"...Brand got all snotty because he felt like they weren't giving him proper attention."

And whatever my equivalent of sploosh is.

La la la la I can't hear you la la la la la.

I'm super obsessed with monkeys and apes, so I know the feeling.

Seriously. That seems like pretty standard relationship behavior to me.

Absolutely true about the aquarium. The top of the building is a jungle-ish bird area, and when I was walking through it, I looked up and there was a god-damned Golden Lion Tamarin. No glass, no cage, just a fucking monkey in the same room as me. It was so fucking cool.

"And much of what's banned — tattoos, fake glasses, face piercings — make total sense."

How does it make sense to ban any of those things? Especially fake glasses, if they're non-prescription glasses that look like everyone else's glasses, what possible harm does that do? I always hear the excuse that this stuff…

Yeah, I had a brief moment of panic where I thought I agreed with Sherri Shepherd, but then she got stupid again, and I was super relieved.

I pointed out to a friend once that the Obamas wouldn't show up on Fallon's show so much if they didn't know how completely lame he is. No one will ever be offended by any of the boring shit he does, so it's a safe show for a sitting president to attach himself to.

"The eight — all in their 30s..."

I am in my 30s, but I am not an astronaut. Where did it all go wrong?

Okay, "IRSted Development" is cracking me up. It doesn't make any sense, but it sounds funny.

I had several classmates whose parents were teachers. No one ever prevented them from taking classes with their parents. I took at least two or three classes that I can remember now (fifteen years after graduating) where that was the case.

So if someone is heavy and they die, they're unhealthy, but if they don't die, they're "lucky." Got it.

And I didn't say smoking isn't unhealthy. That was my point: even though she was heavy, and smoked, she still lived a very long life. Being heavy does not guarantee an early death.

As an introvert who likes to meet about one new person per calendar year, this sounds like absolute torture.

Is it just me, or does Emma Watson look like Sean Young in Blade Runner? Maybe it's just the high collar and lipstick giving her a retro vibe.