“Don’t get me wrong—I think women’s equality good things good are good for women good, but what with the boobs and butts and boob-butts plus monthly menstrual boob-butt action less good, also fight for pay is good or not good, depending upon the boob-butt blood.”

This is gonna be awkward as shit next season when the Braves introduce new color man Hooter McManboob.

I, too, have heard a song.

“I got the hair, the beard, the mustache, the hair color, you name it. That’s gotta be no less ‘n 90-95% o’ what it takes to be a baseball man.”

On a scale of 1 to 10, seriously, how damaging to Deadspin’s credibility and reputation was Marchman’s cereal ranking?

Wait wait wait wait...you’re telling me this guy...that guy up there...red shirt, stubble, couple of disembodied rhino legs where his arms should be...that guy...the one with the chain around his neck, which is encased in some kind of flesh-colored cervical collar...you’re telling me that guy was suspended by the NFL…

Look at Iowa.

Whoa, I haven't seen a defender that far from his man since...oh, hey, James Harden, what are you doing here? Wow, hey, can I have an autograph? Oh wow, this is awesome! Hey, can I buy you a beer? Yeah, I know a great place right over on the next block, they've got NBA games on all the TVs, we might even be able to…

I like Pete's plan, and I think we should put it into action right away with this whole ISIS conflict. After all, who can't identify with their fighters' interests in getting a head in the world?

There once was a girl named Christy Mack named Jane Doe

These kinds of rules are impossible and never work. For example, my "Car Mechanic is Not To Poop In The A/C Duct" rule hasn't stopped that bastard once in 15 years.

Hell, I'd never shower with the guy. Or, for that matter, any other guy. Or girl. Hell no. That's just not how I roll. And I'm damn sure not about to shower in an open locker room. Hello, what about privacy? Who are these people who are showering in front of all these other people? Not me, that's who. Everyone rubbing…

Fried fish ahead of grilled fish? I swear to everything holy, I will hunt you down you son of a bitch. This list should be put in the electric chair.

"Take me with you!"

Oh, look at mister big fuckin' tough guy baseball coach. Real tough guy. Woop-dee fuckin' doo. Made it to the big time, didn't you, mister woo-eee tough baseball man? Well howdy fuckin' woop-doo wooey-doo. Don't feel so tough now do you, mister howdy woop-whoa hooey yooey howdy-doo fuckin' woop-doo hooey-whoo doo-op…

The victims' last words, according to neighbors, were "oooooooh.....ahhhhhhh"

That Mark Gorton story...the "cabal"?

Mater soup. Duh. Idiot. What's wrong with you?

You goddamn idiot. +1

This is the best. The best.