The most powerful man in Checkers wears velcro shoes

Wife: “How was your day, Joey?”

The “Anthropocene Epoch” is a proposed epoch dating from the commencement of significant human impact on the Earth’s geology and ecosystems. 

I refuse to wish anyone happy birthday on facebook. If they’re an important enough friend they get a call or a text. If they’re not do they really care that I wish them happy birthday on social media?

Either way I’m sure there will be a giant dildo there...

This post gets a stamp of approval from me, an apparently humorless feminist who was pissed at this morning’s posts.

The founding fathers actually went to great lengths to try to design a system of government that *wasn’t* all that responsive to whims of uninformed populist mobs. The whole electoral college concept was based on the idea that your average man (which required owning property, because your vocal idiots at the tavern…

Marshall is one of my favorite players because of his advocacy for mental illness. The dude got some help for himself and isn’t afraid to put it out there with the intent to others. As someone with struggles of their own, its an offer of hope. 

As long as you can get American soldiers killed, you will always have defenders, because there will always be people who think saying that American soldiers were sent somewhere to die for no good reason is more offensive than sending American soldiers somewhere to die for no good reason.

An old friend of mine was/is a TSA agent at Logan airport and told me this:

Do they not have tacos in Argentina?

Here’s how I look at it. Whatever definition of perfect you have is false, because YOU are determining what characteristics make a perfect person. The reality is great and highly flawed people have done powerful things that have altered civilization for the better. If someone has to be perfect for you to recognize…

Except that liberals are leading the player safety cause specifically because they recognize that football players are not pieces of meat but humans.

the only thing i care about in football is when the winning team lines up to gently kiss the tip of the president’s penis and receive a championship muffin

I hope somebody is there to remind the burglars of the mess they left when they went away.

So witches float and wizards sink?

He thought Newsmax was the return of Sugar Smacks cereal.

Eh, it’s still not as stupid looking as his James Milner tat.

DENMAKR is a dating app that describes itself as being “for Bob Villa types.”

Ok this guy is good, but that team he was playing suuuuuuuuucked.