A reading from the works of the great Dr. Seuss....

If we can’t keep the Columbus in Columbus Day, how can we ever hope to keep the Christ in Christmas, though?

Columbus sailed the ocean blue

I bet some of those people are dead now. Coincidence?

I think the single worst quality a female person can display is refusing to appreciate the difference between high def and regular def on my new TV.

I draw faces on my hand and practice making out with it. Working my way up to the French style.

Tough season for the Colts, but I’m sure Jim Irsay is still enjoying himself.

I assume the Ben Carson solution would have been for all the cheerleaders to send him nudes at once...

Did he get a big hit in a game, or did he separate his shoulders swatting away the villagers’ torches and pitchforks?

yeah that’s why I dated men in their fifties when I was in high school

I hope things work out for them as that’s a really lousy reason to lose your job but no matter how well intentioned it may be kicking in to a fancy coffee shop is right up there with crowdfunding a Zach Braff movie.

This is going to be the one week I don’t start Joaquin and he’s going to sit on my bench and absolutely wreck shit.

The Wikipedia article says the traditional gifts list originated in 1937, which makes a lot of sense. Those are definitely Depression-era gifts.

Or perhaps you’re just a homophobic douchebag that thinks he’s getting his woman off.

Moral of the story: don’t send them to the crash scene.

If you are here, please come hang out with me; I am so lonely.

Shift Up > Shift Up > Shift Down > Shift Down > Steer Left > Steer Right > Steer Left > Steer Right > Brake > Accelerate > Start Engine

Rule #1: Don’t do a 9/11. That was very rude.

Half Windsor is both easier and better looking. It’s a simple knot that when mastered does the work of a more complex one without nearly as much concern regarding length and size-of-knot.

The Saints O-Line would fast track him to canonization.