If the hand dryer is flinging your poop around the room, then perhaps you could use a refresher course on the hand washing part of the bathroom experience.

Oddly enough, the men tasked with imagining clothes of the future wouldn’t look a bit out of place in 2016 wearing the suits they have on in this newsreel.

You’ve got a nice, crisp Tubman coming your way some day.

Looks like it’s going to be a long summer of recycled content on my chub rub fetish boards.

Negligent homicide would do the trick without twisting the legal definition of murder.

I’d bet you’re probably doing your taxes wrong, too.

The cheapest Coachella pass this year is $629, so...

If only the IRS would accept some sort of electronically filed returns, I bet it would be a real hit with young folks.

That shit happened in 2009?!?

But what kind of handjob was it? Original recipe? Extra crispy? SKINLESS?!?

New business idea: buy black fishnets, say they were once Marilyn Monroe’s, sell them on eBay to pervs who want to defile them.

If your tax situation is at all complicated...just hire a damn accountant. Really, it’s the best option. For a few hundred dollars a trained professional will sort this shit out for you.

Ten years ago I might have believed that, but on a smartphone you can access the Internet by touching the screen pretty much anywhere.

Anything that reminds the world what a colossal obstructive dick Thomas Jefferson was is fine by me.

There has never been a better time in history to open an independent, brick-and-mortar bookstore. I hope they’re set up near a Blockbuster!

#notallnurses? Really?

You could say there’d be a total breakdown of...

...“Lazy Sunday” aired in the winter of 2005. I remember it vividly. I watched SNL cross-legged on the floor of my parents’ family room and watched, mouth agape. It was like nothing I had seen before, but in fairness, I was 14.

They couldn’t guarantee when the episode would air one way or the other because they couldn’t have known at the time which episode her segment would feature in or if it would be used at all. They just shoot segments and slap them together to make episodes based on whatever works thematically.

My eyes just rolled so hard they fell out of my head and now I am blind.