I got a lot of very servicey responses to this mild joke!

caught driving 23 mph in a school zone

He looks embarrassed that he’s being made to ask for sure. Which is exactly appropriate.

That’s his lawyer?!? I mean...just...come on. He looks like a club kid’s idea of what a “cool” lawyer would look like.

Sepp Blatter says he has started work on reforming FIFA amid corruption crisis stuffing duffel bags full of cash and arranging transportation to a non-extradition country.

You know what - I take that back. I didn’t read that as late teens at first. I was picturing like a high school sophomore who’d been deprived of proper sex ed and hadn’t held hands with a girl yet. Basically this guy:

Eh, I wouldn’t shit on the kid so much for that. It’s not his fault he’s been taught to view everything that happens in a woman’s pants as de facto gross/hot/hilarious, rather than a fact of human life.

Well he does look an awful lot like a werewolf in that picture.

And half of those people haven’t read a book since!

Most people in America have read To Kill a Mockingbird.

My favorite part was where he said that a 7-year-old girl could be “greeted” in the bathroom by a 42-year-old man.

I learned to drive a manual transmission in my mom’s Volvo 240 Wagon! Ah, memories.

I seriously doubt it. That piece of paper isn’t magic, it merely memorializes that you’ve satisfactorily completed the coursework. And if you walked in and so much as mentioned the word “lawyer” this would get straightened out right quick.

Exactly! It’s one of those things that lingers around your mom’s house and you’ll never see again because you will never need to produce it for any reason.

This is the weakest threat in the world. You’ve competed high school, and you are a high school graduate. End of story. Fuck a diploma.

It’s a great way to wake up! The only downside is that usually I’m gonna have to put it on pause because I normally have to pee real bad in the morning.

Well if they’re both women then that explains the virgin birth.

The story about the cancer-free anniversary “date” is one of the most pathetic things I’ve ever read. That’s some Ralph Wiggum/Lisa Simpson shit right there.

exposure to selfishness

Yeah, but you could comfortably move at 35-40 without batting an eyelash. Now it’s like walking behind tourists in Times Square.