the top hat-wearing dude from Guns N’ Roses

“The only person who should be allowed to know if she has real human legs is her husband” - God

If you’re going to dictate what women can wear, you should probably make them wear sexy clothes. You’re just hurting yourself, guys.

Why don’t they just go ahead and insist that women wear ALL of the clothes at once?

It’s been going on since pretty much the beginning of rap, so you should probably move past it.

How the meeting should have gone.

“Hi! Let me just put this cold thing in there and then you’ll have this cool thing out there!”

You’d better believe this comment is getting starred.

we had to get a mortgage for more than 80% of our home’s value

Have you had sex with women?

So which one of these two is the Adequate Man?

Edited to reflect that I don’t understand how to embed a Tweet on here.

The only issue I have with this is the characterization of her Pinterest page as “funny”.

In order to be convicted of bribery she has to be offering something of value, so if she’s going to get out of this I suggest she take the position that she’s no good at butt stuff and hence did not offer anything of value.

Being a state senator in Alaska puts you almost as high up in the political pecking order as a very popular bartender.

So if a dowager is a widow who inherited property from her late husband, is a momager a mom who inherited property from her dead children? That’s bleak, man.

I had just moved back home after college and I was charged with keeping an eye on my 8-years-younger brother for the weekend. I woke up on Saturday morning and smelled what I thought were maybe...nachos? Seemed like a plausible thing he could have made late at night after some teenage drinking. I walked downstairs…

Twenty bucks says he was planning to stay at Hedonism.

The Esquire is legit. I’m the Doogie Howser of law.

Ahem. I’m 16 and live in my father’s basement. #notallbasements