I think we can all agree that the most offensive part of this post was being subjected to the writing skills of Urban Dictionary contributors.

The hell? I came here to judge her on her looks and there's not even a picture!

I was terrified of getting caught sneaking into there. Not so scared that I didn't do it, though ;)

Real question - at what age would it be ok for your kid to have a private email address? I honestly have no idea how that works these days.

Same boat. When I was 12 I was dreaming of the day I'd be old enough to gain regular access to pornography through purchasing VHS tapes.

"Zara is a 4-letter word that begins with Z. Zion is a 4-letter word that begins with Z. This shirt has predictably generated pro-Jewish sympathy, and is therefore a false flag operation perpetrated by the Israeli government who control Zara behind the scenes." - Alex Jones

Those women all have deranged looks on their faces as though they've been lobotomized. Maybe they're weighing themselves to see how much brain mass has been removed?

I was, of course, attempting to crack a joke about gentrification and its backlash.

Let's get lots of young white people to move into black neighborhoods so they can develop a little empathy. Added bonus is that the rent is lower! Everyone should be fine with that, right?

These would be more appealing if the tips weren't all bit off.

Ha, thanks.

I don't get why guys spend so much time being concerned whether or not their advances are going to be construed as sexual assault or rape. I've been having sex with women for decades now and never once worried about it. You know why? Because I've never had sex with a woman I wasn't sure wanted to have sex with me.

That's your white guilt talking.

I liked my mom's 1987 240 DL wagon, because I learned how to drive a manual transmission in that car :)

It's from the time the crime occurs. One of the reasons we have them is that as time passes, recollections change and become muddled, and testimony (at least theoretically) will be less reliable.

I was making a joke about this movie. So, you know. Octopuses the size of a 747.

She's going to make me go to church and I'm not allowed to cry? This sounds like the worst relationship ever.

The worst part of that bogus doc is that it takes attention away from the real problem - Giant Octopuses.

My big takeaway is that Keyshawn Johnson is the kind of guy who'd perpetrate an easily and inevitably discoverable ruse because of course he is. Somewhere, Wayne Chrebet is snickering.

A girl (woman) could theoretically end up playing pro ball, but it would be a difficult road. Even if you removed all of the social barriers, very few women would have the combo of upper body strength and baseball skills to compete at that level. The sheer difference in size between a baseball and softball field is…