I'm not saying Chelsea won't be great this year. They probably will! But can we at least wait until they play a team that isn't hopelessly outclassed and praying for 17th place before we start with the praise?

It's almost as if children are people who can observe and adapt to their surroundings or something.

I sincerely hope that these people one day find out that all of the women in their lives have been donating to Planned Parenthood on the sly the whole time. It would blow their tiny little minds.

Um...where the hell is "Word Crimes"? If we're gonna do this, let's at least do it right.

I heard she was gonna use the money she made to buy a motorboat.

It'll change your life.

Right? I'm a little bit jealous of Uncle Dave right now!

I'm gonna need to know s'more before I pass judgment.

3.7 liters of water every day? That seems...high. I drink between 2 and 2.5 liters a day and I honestly can't imagine comfortably increasing my intake by that much.

I'll solemnly promise to launch your cat to the fucking moon for $50.

A couple of months ago I was with my girlfriend visiting her sister out in the wilds of New Jersey. We were out taking a walk on the road in her development when, off to the side in the woods, we spotted a deer along with a very young fawn. We paused to look, I got a shitty picture with my phone, etc.

Big deal. Bottled water companies have been running this exact scam on all of us for decades.

There is obviously a hurdle to get over, in terms of the 'yuck factor'

Haha. But seriously, Elizabeth Banks is great. She's very talented and and extremely funny comedic actress.

As I said in another comment, I'm in favor of exercise. Eating well is also a good thing. Even in favor of trying to look good! It's the madness of severely restricting all of your activity just to attain some sort of "perfection" that I'm against.

I'm not advocating against exercise at all. I'm at the gym 4 days a week, and I enjoy it. But to get the results they promise you have to basically devote all of your free time and plan all of your meals around your physical appearance, and I think that's kind of fucked.

Setting aside whether it's possible to have a celebrity body, why would you want to do all the things they say you need in order to achieve it? What's the point in giving up a buttload of your time and lots of things that you enjoy just so you can have this one thing that, even if you get it, nobody wants to hear you…

I came to say the same thing almost word for word. I...love you?

I just checked. Tubgirl.com is totally available!

You'd better err on the side of furious before the knives come out. Not switchblades, though. Those are for when you're dressing like a gang member.