If you can't bounce a quarter off of it, I'm not interested.

"The McDonnells were first accused of wrongdoing when they fired a chef who they claimed had been stealing food from them. Unfortunately for them (and fortunately for Virginia), the chef had documents proving that Williams had paid for the McDonnells' daughter's wedding."

I'd love to see an entire season of The Bachelor or Bachelorette take place inside an IKEA. The whole time. Rose ceremonies and all. Instead of bottomless alcohol, bottomless swedish meatballs. Date nights would include things like putting together a Tarva 3-drawer chest and seeing who wants to kill each other first.

he face is the man version of woman laughing alone with salad.

a neighbor of the Ingalls' pours kerosene throughout his bedroom, sets it on fire and proceeds to drunkenly drag his wife around by her hair

I will devour this like so much maple sugar snow candy.

I learned from a 45-year-old country song exactly why God made girls: to tell off the shaming bigots of the Harper Valley PTA.

louise and arya should hang out

In my Linda Voice: Alrighttttt Team TinaGo Team Tina Team Tinaaaaaaa

They said Thooooomas Edison is the maaaaaan to get us into this century.

Sorry it took the gifs being shared at the other Gawker sites for anyone at Gawker to give a shit about Jezebel.

Time to bust out a new burner name: TheonGreycommentJoy.

Don't worry if it seems a bit loose..

You better watch yourself, Erin! There may never be any pies EVER AGAIN!

I cannot tell you how happy it makes me that other people call him "the beef." Because I really wish everyone did.

So Katy went to a witchcraft store AND ate Munchkins? Sure hope nobody drops a house on her.

Every time I see a French Montana item, I picture this guy. But clearly that can't be right. I'm old

I find it incredibly hard to believe that Megan Fox's best on-screen kiss was with Shia "the beef." He seems like the type of guy who has really rubbery and wet lips that kind of flip-flap all around your mouth but don't really hit the mark. I might have known a few of those in my time. Just my two cents.