What's with the roof rails? Take these off and make my small van look smaller!

"Middle Men." A negative connotation anywhere but here in the METAL MINI BATTLEDOME!

I see a lot of Deloreans here, but this is really the most representative. Just like so much of the 80's has been forgotten outside of VH1, the Starion/Conquest has been forgotten by all but the Jalopiest of car aficionados.

I've always thought guys in this situation should pick up a retired limousine. When you have that big of a child-mob, the divider would really make a difference. Just raise the glass and let them form their own Lord Of The Flies scenarios back there.

C-pillars as big as American thighs. What is inside these?!?!?

* COMMENT RESCINDED, SEE AWESOME BENCH SEAT ABOVE *

Doctor: So a car punched you in the mouth, huh?

WHY STOP THERE?

"Hold the wheel for me, will ya? I'll be right back, gonna grab a sandwich from the cooler."

Next time you drive, take notice of how many CHMSLs already don't even work. It's kind of a lot. I don't think 12% is too much of a stretch.

As of 2006 and possibly beyond, a MINI Cooper needed but one indicator. Germans just have higher expectations when it comes to people knowing the difference between left and right.

All cars and trucks are girls, just like ships and planes.

(shortly before it was pushed into the lake)

You know what? Just don't watch the news. If you're watching the news and taking it seriously, you're part of the problem. I got your news right here, pal.

Depends on which engine. Even with the rest of the body falling apart around it, if it has the 4.3L V6 it can still be sort of hoonable.

"How come if you have Looney Tunes on your car, it means you're poor?" - Todd Glass [paraphrased]

"I'd better pop this faceplate off so nobody jacks my radio in the Wal-Mart parking lot..."

Exactly. And the accident rates in these things caused by careless or drunk people kiiinda gives away why we don't have cars that are so...casual.

We had a basic, lightweight, stripped-down, fun car once. It was called the Miata, and our over-broed excuse for a "culture" repeatedly and loudly insisted that it's for hairdressers.

In the right hands, it could have been the closest thing to a CRX we've seen in 23 years...and that includes the CR-Z. Oh, what could have been...