I daydream about ways to inform the entire American driving public about how the left lane is supposed to be used. And that high beams are not needed in metropolitan areas. And that you're supposed to clear your vehicle from the scene of a minor accident. And that cruise control is supposed to supplement focused…

You should see his asshole.

"But what if you get hit by a big truck?!?!?" they implore. Again. And again. Again. Again. AGAIN.

I love that this is apparently a thing, but last time I drove from Houston to Austin I observed and tallied something like 30% of people on 4-lane, 75-mph, median-less 290 farting around in the left lane. It baffles me that when people get the choice to be 10 feet or 25 feet away from instant death, they choose 10.

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Side mirrors, man. Sometimes you have a choice of which car to be stuck behind as you approach a red light. Look at the car directly in front of you, in your lane. Look at its drivers' side mirror. Can you see the driver's face? If yes, this person is a dumbassface. They are not a strong candidate for someone who…

Hoooly crap. I can't even - there's so much wrong with this. The documented ruining of a perfectly good:

I started looking for it immediately. Man, that video has been making me mad for years.

Why does this MR2 have a big #277 on it?

Wait what's this Clownfister thing again?

Boric acid costs almost nothing and it (gradually) takes down both!

The drawer under the oven is for storage and spiders, right? Some boob on Reddit is trying to tell me it's a warming drawer, but mine is only warming up unused cookie sheets and spider carcasses.

Doing the true Jalop's work, good sir. I've never seen a B13 SE-R in the wild. But it stands to reason that it can hold up as well as the standard B13...which is an amazingly tough car that I still see everywhere.

Houston is also my primary limiting factor. It's a mathematical certainty that anyone living here over 5 years has encountered a ladder, box spring, or some other nefarious outsized piece of debris at 70 mph.

Boring, yes (especially the color) - but with a standard transmission and no sunroof/alloys/satnav/power seats/seat heaters/myriad already-outdated ancillary systems, I told the salesman in 2008 he won't see me again until the hover conversions come out (I was informed they'd come out by 2015, but it looks like I…

Oddly, my typical order of plain black iced coffee with nothing in it (no sugar, no syrup, no milk, no room for anything) probably slows them down more than your standard order. It takes a long time to confirm with them that no, I truly want nothing but caffeine injected directly into my brainstem.

Nothing says: "I get laid regularly, but to someone really trashy so who cares?" better than a set of Truck Nutz.

Isn't the point of these ramps to keep going until the other front wheel gets just barely off the ground?

I'd rather drive this rolling work of art than any new car...