Ha. No. I think you need to go through all kinds of FDA red tape to sell it. Mine's just for me — but it's super easy to do. I just made a bunch of crayon lipsticks, which sounds weird but they're far less toxic than actual lipstick.

To answer a bit of an unspoken question, I have no idea why they even exist. In theory, I think the idea is that they "coat" the brush better or some crazy shit, but I think it's just a gimmick.

Whereas my mom still looks like a sad clown when she tries to wear makeup because she could never be bothered with it. Who knows why we like what we like — or perhaps, why we like the opposite of what our parents like.

That's why I've started making my own stuff.

Who was yours?

In some ways, I'm glad that I hopped on the makeup train early because I'm very good at making it look subtle and professional. On the other, I wish I didn't have to and that I could just rock some sparkly purple lids to work and on the weekends.

What's weird is that so many people do act like fitness and health is more than their hobby or pursuit. But that's exactly what it is. Some people go antique-ing, some people do yoga. Some people find 101 things to do with kale, others go to the movies. Health is important, but so is entertainment and work/life…

The problem isn't the final effect — the problem is that I like wearing makeup and I'm bored with feeling like I need to spend 20 minutes to *look* barefaced. But the minimalist look has become so ubiquitous that I actively look weird with any color.

Yuuuup. Like it or not, makeup has become for women what a shaved face and well-groomed hair is for men.

Blush pearls.

I feel like everyone's been all about minimalism for 5-6 years now, and it's boring as hell.

Plus I've heard that PNW women are infamous for never changing their hair.

I will also say that I totally get that people come in and say, "Oh, just take off like 6 inches," and then are shocked when that's more than, like, a thumb's length of hair. I've gone in and said, "6 inches" and the stylist has shown me what that actually looks like and practically has me sign my name in blood on a…

And it was a woman charging $60 (before tax/tip). Which is not a "huge" amount, but for $60 I at least expect competence. That's what I mean. In general, I've found that the stylists/hairdressers in my city are just terrified of curls. Maybe it's because this is Vancouver and an overwhelming amount of the population…

A MAN'S OPINION IS HERE, EVERYONE. PACK IT UP AND GO HOME! LADIES, STOP HATING OTHER LADIES! MEN NEVER HATE OTHER MEN! I MEAN, JUST LOOK AT THE GOVERNMENT SHUTDOW—

Yuuuuupppp. Our marketing department at work is infamous for hiring serious under-qualified girls to work jobs based on how much the head of marketing wants to have adulterous liaisons with them. If any of the women at this job mention it, "we're just jealous." Rather than blame the gross, cheating fuck who's ruining…

I have literally said, "I want something that sits above my shoulders but below my ears and looks like this photo here:

With Burt as your guide, you could never be douchey. You chose too wisely.

Don't even get me started on the, "Feminists who are critical of other women are misogynists!!!! We must all support Taylor Swift!!!!!" thing.