@NCAA: Correction, it is I who will be taking your talents!

:enters ring in hoodie:

I classify myself as the WWE of boxing.

Finally, VD is getting some medical attention.

Oh man, that's gonna ruin Bennett's season.

Gatti's is the best of those three. I assume you live in Central Texas, since you're including it on your list. If you live in Austin, you should checkout Jets Pizza—it's a Detroit chain that just expanded to down here. It's fucking incredible. Get the square, deep dish. Also, Marcos Pizza is quality, delicious chain…

Queso is not the same as Velveeta & Ro*Tel, but both are better than onion dip. If you disagree, it's because you either have no taste buds or you hate America.

I'm heartened by the fact that the Elite Eight reflects this country's shifting demographics and growing Latino populace.

If you aren't voting for pico de gallo, you are truly a disgusting human who should be locked away for all of eternity. IT TASTES SO FRESH WITHOUT BEING MUSHY AND HORRIBLE LIKE GUACAMOLE, YOU UNCULTURED SWINE.

Nice work, genius. You kept him from answering the one question on everyone's mind.

Kate Yeslan.

Do you vacation with ARod on dickbag island?

This was just the gay Breakout they feared.

I'm in knots thinking about Onion v. Queso. Now I know how poor Sophie must've felt.

Weirded out by how much I'm into the results of this... Go go Queso!

That was an awfully rapid descent down the slippery slope, what with an entire football team now trying to get married.

This is in sharp contrast to Texas Tech boosters, who've long threatened to secede from the union.

Please, god, let this mean that someday we can act like Macklemore's records never happened. . .

Where did you happen to find this joke? Just asking because I'm still looking for my Eagle Eye Cherry CD.