So this explains Rush Limbaugh, then? Are fat faces and wide faces the same thing? So many questions!

"Yeah...there was something about that woman I just didn't like (about me)."

My husband farted in front of me after I'd known him about two weeks. It was not an accident. He thought it was hilarious. I was not raised in a house where the women did that—only the boys and not in front of us (very silly, proper, uptight about all body functions).

Let me help you with that Bingo Card:

Yep. Just like Charlie Sheen.

For an extra $20, will it cease to exist at all?

Oh Paris, go take a flying leap! Wait...

Two words: body pillow. I was so uncomfortable on my side while pregnant (even though I ordinarily like sleeping that way) because of the pressure I felt on my hips. That giant, U-shaped, bed-hogging pillow makes that all go away—supports you everywhere. This means that for the next 5.5 months, my husband is…

No wonder she looks so...happy?

HA! Go with the French. It makes it sooooo much klassier. Le sac aux fesses. :)

I can buy that theory. Also—Mayer seems like the type of sexual opportunist who actually wants to be "that guy."

Remember in Ten Things I Hate About You when Heath Ledger's character asks JGL's character regarding the infatuation with Bianca, "What's the deal with this girl? Does she have beer-flavored nipples?"

I thought the third spot in the tic-tac-toe game of ladylife was, "And he's a doctor!"

Ha. Hearted.

Well...what better authority to consult on the ruination of America than the televisual embodiment of said ruination?

That's still better than the Orly Taitz. A species related to the person we have here in this video.

I am never going to make fun of, or become annoyed with, my husband for reaching over and honking a boob ever again.

That's pretty much the basis of the matching-bathtub Cialis ads, no?

I think he originally seduced her by capturing her soul with a mysterious picture-making box.