You should have entered this into the scary story competition.

You know what will make you feel better? Premarital, slutty sex.

A friend of mine did something similar by passing out in a full penguin costume on the dorm futon, then sadly, with a hangover, shuffling back to his own dorm the next morning with his flippers on. I saw them stuffed in a trashcan halfway across campus a few hours later.

Oh god

Halloween is fucking insane in my town - seriously, people come from other states to celebrate here - and I try to avoid it as much as possible, because the novelty of getting puked on by guys in penis costumes wears off pretty quickly.

I saw a drunk dude wearing a striped poncho and a tacky sombrero + a gunslinger type belt that held plastic shotglasses trying to hail a taxi.

He dropped/stepped on his hat, stooped to retrieve it and haphazardly placed the crushed sombrero back on his head, then he removed the last empty shotglass from his belt and…

I wish I had a photo of this sweet Halloween memory. One year in college Halloween landed on a weeknight, and I had an early class the next day so I pulled it together and stayed in. The next morning I was walking to said early class and I saw the SADDEST little bumblebee, holding her stinger in her hand, shuffling…

If you look like her, no.

That is a LOT of rust-color synthetic tweed for a wedding photo.

So creepy! Did you call in anyone to inspect gas lines? Also, what kind of sociopath is an LSU fan in Longhorns territory?

When I was 18, I lived with my (now ex) boyfriend in a basement apartment in a town in Wyoming. It was not a happy time in my life for various reasons (boyfriend was abusive, I was pregnant with his child) but it also didn't help that the apartment was creepy as shit. Even for a basement apartment, it was unusually…

Creepy, but at least it was a kind and caring entity. She probably understood how frustrating it can be to be a new mom.

This is why I never go any where or do anything.

WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE SAD CLOWN PIKCHERZ???

Eeeeeeeeeeee, holy shit. Funeral homes should never ever be repurposed as houses, WHO WOULD DO THAT?

I'm never sleeping again ya bitch.

I come down to the kitchen for breakfast on a Saturday morning. My mom and my sister are already up, and they look exhausted. My mom asks, "Did you sleep alright?"

My mother comes from the Isle of Man, which is about halfway between England and Ireland. There's a place called the Fairy Bridge and it's considered wise to greet the fairies when you're passing it, or they might get angry with you and you don't want that. When Mum was about 10, she had a girl friend from England who…

I feel a great disturbance in the Tort, as though millions of HIPAA compliance officers suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.

If they don't I am walking out. I wait all damn year for this shit...