hey jude

Alright, I know I'm in the gray, but just had to share my super fun most recent breakup. This is a novel — apologies in advance.

This story is lacking the story part.

I don't think this story classes as 'crazy' so much as 'causing maximum drama'. I once dated a girl (lets call her Mary) who had a bit of a reputation for cheating on her boyfriends, like the fool I was I thought i'd be the exception to this rule, things went well for some time, we moved into a share house with some…

This is not exactly a breakup story, but it is my proudest "evil" moment, and it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. *sarcasm* My ex was a narcissistic, abusive asshole with serious rage issues (and a scrawny body and tiny penis but anyway). One of the things that I should have kicked his ass to the curb for…

Okay, background: I was a really neurotic kid / teenager. Super dramatic. I had a crush on EVERY BOY and none of them ever had a crush on me (and I do not blame them; I was SO WEIRD). I was basically Helga from Hey Arnold. Abandon hope, all boys I had a crush on as a child.

You dated The Situation?

I had dated a guy for 3 years, we rarely fought, and had decided we should take our relationship to the next level. I had spent about 8 hours moving his stuff into my apartment when I unloaded his tv (I didn't have one) and was setting it up. I turned it on just to make sure it was properly connected and there…

I drove down to visit my BF for a long weekend. We were going to the beach, so I had a ton of stuff with me. The morning of my last day, I'm using his laptop, and I see a folder of cat photos on his desktop, so I take a look. In addition to cat pics, though, are a few photos of him looking very cozy with another…

Ooh, I've been waiting for this one!

Not only did he need a ride, but I was supposed to drop him off and leave.

I was in Large European City, for a class I was taking with a bunch of other undergraduates from my Small Canadian College. We were living together in a skinny four-story flat. With me was the boy I had lost my virginity to and was subsequently half-heartedly dating: nice enough, almost funny, terrible in bed (though…

I once had what I thought was a small argument over an enchilada with my sister that directly resulted in me not obtaining the family car my mom wanted to give me.

So I'm the dumper in this story - but if ever there was justification for a bad dumping it was this;

My last boyfriend and I dated unofficially for a year then officially for a year. He dumped me in a text while I was on the Megabus to NYC for a week of job interviews. I had just seen him two days before so this seemed a little fucked up/inappropriate. I cried in Pret A Manger for a couple hours then tried to pull it…

16 year old me was away at a summer camp. Not just any summer camp, but co-ed summer camp, for 200 high schoolers. No one there knew me as the nerdy kid - I could start fresh. And start I did.

Your dad has some BIGASS BALLS.

I went to college at a very conservative Baptist university (for reasons) and at the sweet, naive age of 19 started dating this guy who was in the Biblical Studies program to become a pastor. I was all pumped about this guy and my first big girl relationship and thought this might be the guy I'd eventually marry.…

This is how my dad broke up with my mom when they were still teenagers. It should be noted that they did get back together, get married, and eventually had a long overdue divorce for which everyone is better off.

At 19 years old, tired of my 24 yo loser boyfriend generally and ready to move on. SO I talked him into joining the Navy. Boy was his mother pissed at me.