They were both well executed. And the manatee was well hung.

Q: Why did the skinheads accept him?

I dated a guy with the worst tattoos ever. He had a skull. With dreadlocks. He had one that said "Sober And Alive" next to a rattlesnake. He was not sober. I do not know if he is still alive.

Unwritten grownup rules:

Sodas... snacks... those words sound familiar, but I have no idea what they are.

I like how she holds up a soda and a snack to illustrate sodas and snacks as she is saying "sodas and snacks." Just in case we don't know what sodas and snacks are.

I had found out my now Ex Wife had cheated on me yet again with yet another young woman. Not "fucked" cheat, mind you, but written love letters to, taken on dates, and offered to leave me for. She refused to call it cheating but she was certainly not being honest or faithful. That, combined with emotional abuse,…

Probably not win-worthy, but it sucked. I was 15, boyfriend was 17, thus we were both horny as squirrels in springtime. My first relationship, his second, but the first in which he was sexually active at all. We were screwing around from the get-go, but he wanted to wait until our year anniversary to do PIV…

I had an internet friend, who I'll call Mary, that came over to my house every week to join in IRC sessions with a big group of mutual friends. I was about 20 years old and she was just entering college, so maybe 18 or 19. Mary wasn't a looker; she was a hefty girl and she took Zoloft for depression. But we were…

I was dating an asshole who was overall awful in bed. Wanted sex a lot but was not very good at it. Too fast, too selfish and thought going down on a woman was "gross". I was young and was foolish enough to think it would get better. One night I was on my period and also had a nasty head cold. He REALLY wanted to go…

As a guy, I apologize to all of you. We don't have many resources to learn. I'm a comedian and in two ways comedy is strangely similar to sex: you learn almost exclusively from failure, and practice time and show time are one in the same.

My boyfriend was visiting from out of town for the weekend. I hadn't seen him for a month. He wakes up early, he turns on the news on the TV at the end of the bed. He watches briefly. I come to. Morning glory in effect for both of us. I start to go down on him, which he appreciates.

I guess I can get a little graphic. When I was 21 I very briefly dated a 23 year old virgin ginger with bipolar disorder. We were hiking in the woods and stopped to eat/makeout. Things were getting pretty hot and heavy, we were naked and I was planning on making him a man. He put it in me but I could barely feel it.…

Most awkward sex: Me and another guy (one of my Aztec buddies) in my '72 Malibu SS (non-reclining bucket seats, console shift automatic, and too many drums and headdresses in the back seat to go there).

Let me set the scene: I throw a BBQ a few years back and my friend and her 21 year-old brother show up. I get quite drunk and me and the brother start flirting; discussing how we should probably bone. This discussion continues through text over the next few days before we decide on a time and location for said boning.…

We never made it to the sex.

Oh man. I'm probably late to the party but this one still stands out for me after many, many years of fulfilling and great sex. It is the single cringe-iest (if that's a word) moment I can think of during sex acts.

Early on in my last relationship I discovered my boyfriend liked to have his nipples touched. One night we were getting going in the dark and I felt around for his right nipple. He sort of stiffened and I thought maybe I wasn't making the sort of contact he liked so I whispered something like 'tell me what you like'…

Okay, here is mine.

On my golden birthday (22 on the 22nd), my friends and I got super wasted at a bar in our college town. After closing, my then boyfriend, myself, and his hot friend drove back to my place. I get all frisky and hang out of my sunroof and take off all my undergarments. And then I suggest that 'hot friend' invite his…