Oh man. This is going to be a long one, so stick with me!

Lions want to eat ladies more than cookies.

Fuck man, khakis? I'd rather take the hot stick branding than look like some WASP, thanks.

I was an awkward, fat, lonely 12 year old girl who was obsessed with horror movies and masturbating, being raised by a single mother in a small town in the early 90's. Every Friday night my mom would take me to our nearest video store and I would gather 4 - 5 different rated-R VHS scary movies (I would specifically…

I was 17 and a freshman at university. I was bitterly disappointed, because I had hoped to somehow be a hermaphrodite. No such luck. I went into the toilet because I thought that I had food poisoning. Then I passed out from the sudden, intense pain. It turned out that I had endomitriosis. One of my hallmates found me…

Mine was just humourous. I of course had my first period at my father's house (split time half and half), and it was literally night one of my week with him, and I remember having cramps and not knowing what was going on. It's 11pm (and I'm what - 11, 12?) so when I get up my dad can hear me around upstairs and is…

My parents tried to be all body positive, which I appreciate in hindsight but UGH.

How the hell else were we supposed to do it when we lived with our parents? And don't say "wait until they aren't home". Because sometimes your mum's psych class gets unexpectedly canceled and she comes home with no notice and your boyfriend is naked in the bathroom down the hall and you have to bring him his clothes…

umm, maybe theyre into that sorta shit .

I would honestly rather see their naked junk at the beach than see a man wearing this swimming "suit"

Could we have a post for all the bad-dad stories too? Just to even things out?

His orthopedic surgeon was quoted as saying, "this foot'll hold together," then quietly, with a more concerned note in his voice, "come on, baby, hold together."

The worst part is knowing that the "World's Greatest Aunt" mug she gave her was a total farce

Make sure to include that in your cover letter!

I might not have a teaching certificate but at least I won't rape any students.

I guess thats where she got inspiration from

This was always the funniest thing to me. Me and two friends are home during Christmas break. We started watching "Mousetrap" with Christopher Reeve, Dyan Cannon, and Michael Caine. Christopher Reeve dies. We go out and get high. When we come back, Reeve is ALIVE and Dyan Cannon is dead! WOAH! we all said in our beast…

A familiar story I'm sure, but nonetheless my worst: After 3 decades of being straight-laced, I thought I would celebrate my 30th year by participating in marijuana for the first time. A lifetime of being scared to death of lung cancer by my Mother left me not wanting to smoke so I naturally jumped right ahead to…

One time when I was a teen I got high with one of my friends and we followed around this woman because we thought she was a witch because she was carrying a staff and dressed in a black trench coat with black makeup and wearing a weird hat but then I went up to her and asked her if she was a witch and she told me she…

That is a profound question, it's hard to really know a person.