Seriously,

This is why..... *walks away*

Oh my god, they really do exist...

Do we at all know why she didn't know she was pregnant? Was she unclear on what physical acts will and won't lead to pregnancy? Did she keep getting her period? Was she raped in her sleep?

Standing by for the "official" explanation on this one...

She seems to be the new Chelsea Handler, who was the new Jenny McCarthy.

When you are dealing with college kids whom you have only arbitrarily imposed authority and who will do whatever they want anyway, all you can do is try to get them to do the right thing and cya by documenting what you told them.

Truth. I only recently discovered through tabloid photos that the less smooth part of my ass is cellulite and not just normal ass. I honestly did not know it was unattractive and weird until tabloids told me so. No one had ever said anything about it before, so I didn't know it was an issue. I know now it is an issue.

Do those 1960's fatties even have a bikini bridge? The nerve!

This fucking bikini bottom! I want to LOL all over the place just looking at it. OH how my pubes would be peeking out of every corner of that thing, no matter how well I groomed them. I feel like my labia would be trying to peek out at well. Look at the distance between belly button and suit bottom! That's like,…

I feel so fancy! I eat there on some paydays.

He is not putting a gun on her head, she is old enough to decide what she wants out of her life.

I don't expect Cowell to be in the picture long enough to be a big deal.

I also question why vibrators are so expensive. VIBRATORS FOR THE PEOPLE.

Why are we empowered when we buy a vibrator, but a man who buys a fleshlight is a 'lonely fuck'?

We already have our first "just adopt!"

*taking out my "Smug and Indignant Reproductive Troll" BINGO card*

her upcoming projects: a trilogy of "erotic sex novels" followed by a Christian parenting book.

White Rihanna is my second favourite Rihanna.