I did a triple-take, squinted, un-squinted, finally read the headline and realized that this is NOT Katy Perry.

I'm supposed to be moving out of my apartment tonight but I have SO MUCH LEFT TO DO. I haven't even started cleaning and now I'm too anxious about it so I'm posting here instead of doing anything. My boyfriend is at band practice - so annoying because I need his muscles and his help. I'm hungover too so I just want to…

He should probably abort that beard.

A little from column A, a little from column B.

UGH PSLs are foul. The orange slime that seeps out of the mouth hole sends chills down my spine.

Eeesh! Those tiny cannibal teeth!

I just wanted you to know I copied ಠ_ಠ and pasted it into a sticky note so I can use it forever.

Eeehehe! He looks like a tiny man with a tiny mustache. So cute.

Oh my god. I've never heard a more succinct description of him. I've been referring to him as the poor man's Matt Damon but yours is infinitely better!

I just barfed forever.

HAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA :takes a breath: HAHAHAHA

My eyes don't normally bulge out of my head... but they did when I read that quote of his. Holy shithead!

DTMFA, Huma!

Why I never wear ponytails. My head always looks so weird like this!! Bangin' dress, but her hairstyle is a miss this time.

Hahaha, omg do you work at my old job?! We had that guy. It was a small company that he'd been with since the day they opened their doors, so the best thing you could do is keep your distance and sanitize your hands like a maniac. Soo my best (worst) advice is making a trip to Costco for Lysol and Purell :)

Ayyee! Adorbs. I kind of want to go as Tree Trunks!

Fuckin' Steve King. What an abomination. Asshat thinks that he actually has a chance at being president, too! I can't even form a comprehendible sentence because he makes me so blind with rage.

I just wish that for once, I could get a pass to stomp into this man's office, wind up my fist REAL good and punch him right in the nose. Then stomp back out and slam the door behind me.

Me too, girl (or guy!). Meeee toooo.

You typed exactly what my brain thought.