JIA I’VE NEVER AGREED WITH SOMETHING MORE IN MY LIFE

His hunky friend? I’m not sure. :)

No.

UGH!! Callie, you are my favorite. Thanks for always making me giggle (in a stifled way bc work) and simultaneously nod my head. Good luck in all you do!

Trying hard to hide my chortle

I have a confession to make. Growing up, my parents took me to a lot of buffets. As a 7 year old at a buffet, iceburg lettuce + ranch and red jello made up most of my plate. I didn't HATE it when the ranch seeped onto my jello... but I wouldn't go out of my way to make it happen intentionally. I kind of get what these…

I LOVE HIM. I LOVE ANDREW W.K. AND I WILL NEVER NOT LOVE HIM. I get a little excited when I read about him, sorry. Once he re-grammed a picture from a show of me and my frenz with him and I'll never come down off that high. <3

I don't actually own one (I'm poor) but that's a good tip!

PEW they stink though. Like fishy, plasticky crotch. So, there's that.

Dude, the kale and quinoa salad there is pretty amazing. (And totally worth dine and dashing for)

GRADE: D (an alternate reality in which everything is exactly the same but you have all of Justin Bieber's tattoos, especially the one of the angry turnip)

Seriously, it gets more funny every time I read it.

Is Gary Oldman that fucking douche from those phone commercials? The one where he tells you the internet is full of liars? If it is, I hate him. If it isn't, I hate him and his shitty annoying twin.

Oh good. Pre-cellulite is the new skinny-fat. Fuck off, world.

BOOTS?! Good grief. I have no evens to can't for that.

I wore a long sleeve (oversized!) shirt with shoulder cutouts to work once. Here's what was said to me! "Whoa, are you asking for a raise today or something?!" and "wow, you better not wear that around me again," said to me by the skeevy guy who always tells me that I'm cute. I didn't realize shoulders were the modern…

You are such a treasure.

Zit stickers from Girl Talk

Never change, girl. <3

SERIOUSLY! I eat a half lb of grapes and I pee outta my butt for the rest of the day. That's why i drink my grapes now.