He probably wouldn't miss turkey so much if that sow Ann hadn't thrown out all the lefties.

I always liked Patrice, but somehow I found myself surprised by how bummed this got me. Too fucking soon. God damn it.

Who cares if UCLA doesn't have a coach, Little Diddy's just an American kid, doin' the best he can.

What is your favorite book, movie and food? It had better be a Simpsons reference!

from: @GuyFieri

Phillip Roth intends to stock up on Cinnamon Wheat Thins, so that people that enjoy them may not have to strictly do so on a seasonal basis.

Awesome. +1

Geeze, hunny, I went to a hockey game and a hockey game broke out!

Scott Raab likes to brag at parties that he can "just tell" when the Daily Double has been picked.

I'm a little burned out on the whole Penn State Scandal like many of you, but I can't help but wonder: If you put Vicks VapoRub on your congested young daughters chest, is that a Sanbrumski?

11-11-11 is however Jerry Sandusky's ideal measurements for, uh, future PSU donors?

I think I know why Katherine Genovese makes such good coin: it's really just her smooth speaking voice and southern European charm.

Whole lot of nothing going on in Tampa, was it Albert Haynesworth appreciate night?

John Goode, amidst numerous product recalls and a class action lawsuit, went on to say "I don't want to spoil the ending for you, but the book is teeming with benzene"

I don't have speakers, but I imagine the play by play goes something like:

Not a bad run, they had just matched Ugandas' GDP in 100 Grand bars.

Nickelback ~ Tebow

I mean to say, I am indeed PeteGuy. Woo!

I eagerly await Colin Quinn's next 25 tweets claiming this was all a big publicity stunt and that he came up with the idea first.

Or Wesley Willis for that matter.