That’s some impressive makeup Verne Troyer is wearing in that first photo.

Game’s been played to 100% multiple times by reviewers and the like. That’s who I was talking to.

I’m trying to avoid spoilers here, so I’ve skipped 99% of the review.

For anyone who’s finished it, I just want to know one thing: Whether I’ll hate the ending. For reference, I hated the endings of Mass Effect 3 and The Dark Knight Rises. No more detail than ‘yes’ and ‘no’ are necessary. If you’re uncomfortable with…

On today’s ‘articles you won’t see’:
“(Name) has worked in quality control on projects like Halo: The Master Chief Collection.”

I hope I like the Bat-ending.

You can always tell you have ‘secured your legacy’ when the universally-agreed high point of your final match was the part where the Ref proved he had functioning eyes by declaring that the winner of the fight wasn’t you.

I hope that when you first held him up you exclaimed “My son, you are huge! That means you have huge guts!”

No, you’re not the only one. I think that what we saw looks great.

As far as the speed issue goes, did we all watch the same gameplay trailers? The Hell one in particular, where enemies are coming out faster that you can shoot them? The earlier, foundry level has obviously been heavily scripted to show off assets,…

“Good morning Sir, how can we help you today?”

“I just felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced.”

“Sir, that’s not a bug, that’s a feature.”

I feel lucky, the only people I knew who were ‘defending’ that move were doing it in the same nervous tones one uses when trying to convince oneself that a friend’s job interview might turn out okay when you’ve just learned that he went to it drunk, not wearing pants, and muttering darkly about “the Jews”.

The Gator was scared of the giant talking alien tree just off-camera.

No problem. I agree entirely.

That’s. What. I. Said.

No disagreement there. They’re stretching themselves too thin, trying to be a software company and a content provider and a console manufacturer and also make in-game hats too. It’s ruining their decision-making abilities.

It’s easy to make no mistakes when your business model is to make one or two masterpieces a generation, less so when you have to reliably provide content every single day of every single year.

We’re getting used to being insulted, aren’t we?

Hold on, I need to contact my superior officer to get permission to be insulted.

Tell me Paz getting raped and having her vagina detonated is remotely in that league. Please. I’ll find it funny.

It’s getting more so. Kojima’s getting darker as he gets older. At this point, if one of the Johnnys shits himself after the latest musing on how horrid humanity is, it’ll no longer remotely seem like it’s taking place in the same universe.

Of course you’ll disagree. Just try not to be a sarcastic bastard about it.

It’s the disconnect between that mainstay and the new, brutal, rape-and-pain focus on madness and a descent into extremism that’s confusing me about MGSV. It’s like if the Shawshank Redemption was sharing screentime with The Three Stooges.

Well, it depends on context. These sorts of Japanese games tend to have ridiculous amounts of damage dealt by the heroes, so it all works out to a similar ratio. A fight where the villain has, for example, 100 HP and the hero does 10 HP worth of damage per attack is, functionally, exactly the same as one where the…