Hmmm...
These sandals:
One time this guy texted me inviting me to Raymour & Flanigan to buy materials for his conceptual sculpture. Part of the text read, "Entering the realm of fluorent lights impedes my ability to cohere as an individual" and when I read it out loud my friend started dry-heaving in a bush.
This guy.
Emails or texts that confuse they're/their etc.
A Maxim in the bathroom.
I'm in. I can't join the U.S. Army because I've got the 'beetus, but I could do some ass-kicking in Boudica's army. I just have to check my blood sugar first.
Confused. Boudica led men and women. Amazons we women only. Can we consolidate the two?
I've had really really good house guests but some real doozies, too. I found out one person had been emptying my freezer while pretending they were in too much pain to go down the stairs.....where the freezer was. I also found out that someone who presented themselves as an abuse victim was themselves the…
Will it have a men's auxiliary?
Oh, god, I had that guest. Plus one morning I woke up and found her sitting in a chair pulled up next to tge bed, staring at me. That, in addition to not bathing or using deodorant, plus expecting me to empty out a shampoo bottle——with shampoo in it——so she could fill it with the .79 cent dish wishing soap she…
And I think both my kidneys shut down.
In other news, I've just switched my lunch plans to A Salt and Battery in NYC. Shuttup calories DONT CURR.
They are over here, too. They're also a delicious fried corn-meal fritter that can be dunked in honey butter, and I can eat my weight in them.
Embrace the wedgie and wear a thong bikini.
"This whole Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart really is an obsession for some women."
They saw a naked woman, covered in sewage, who was being assaulted and beaten, and I don’t know what was funny about that. This is a question that I’m still thinking about, I can’t stop my mind from thinking about it.
Jesus. That quote from Yasmine El Baramawy. My heart is broken.