Don't be the intern who, because I am the Admin Assistant for the office, snapped his fingers at me and called, "the copier's out of paper" as he headed out for lunch one day.

I just kan't with this family anymore.

Given the cost of real estate in this neck of the woods, I think I would be able to overcome my nervousness at living in the neighborhood MURDER HOUSE!!! At least initially. The first time my dog whimpered and hid under the bed when nothing was there, the walls wept blood or some little blonde girl showed up…

It's all fun and games until one person dumps the other person via office email. Not that I would have any reason to know this...

According to the church, women fall into two categories: Madonna or whore. For the former, her chastity precludes the need for contraception and for the latter, who gives a shit what the slut wants anyway. There is no third category for "I am a intelligent, adult human being capable of making decisions about my own…

Countdown until he's caught toe-tapping under the stall in the men's room of the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport...

I, too, have skin the color of Elmer's glue that I protect like mother bear with her cubs; however, I think we are in the minority in that respect. At least that's what my recent trips to the beach (or any mall) have shown.

Unless they can tint the sunscreen the color of oompa-loompas, I don't imagine a lot of Americans would use it anyway.

Yet they had no problem with greenlighting the crapfest that is Hangover 3. Well done, Hollywood.

The one who would say, "Waaaaazzzzzzzuuuuupppppp!!!!" in reference to his erection before sex. Could only handle that a couple of times before showing him the door.

I get the same look in my eye when I eat frozen yogurt, but much more gets smeared on my nose than this doggy did.

I've often wondered about people who are in similar circumstances. It seems they either go the way of Chelesa and a sort of super survival instinct takes over so they are perpetually in accomplishment overdrive or they just numb up and drop out and do nothing.

Thank you Doug. I will be shuddering and scratching phantom itches all day.

So next time I'm on the subway, gagging at the chap or lass sitting next to me and their malodorous funk, I'll just close my eyes and think of Olde Englande.

You're right of course. And when you said you wore one to the racetrack, for some reason I first pictured OTB and thought, "damn, that gal is AWESOME", larf. Brava.

Sigh. There's just not enough opportunities in the US to wear hats to a party. Well New Years and birthdays I guess, but I'm usually too drunk to keep them on all night.

Best sentence ever to describe both sides of the issue:

Adorable, however, I expected more plaid and bell bottoms. And Barry, you are one foxy dude yourself, man.

I already have a fear of dying in my apartment alone with my Chihuahua feasting on my bones. At least now I'll be more flavorful for him.

I dunno, it looks like a necklace Blackadder II would've worn when dressed in his finery. Love her hair though.