I went to the supermarket and found miniature pies. Like, not tarts, TINY PIES. If someone had been all 'LOL it's bad for you' I would have probably done the same 'I know...' but followed up with 'BUT LOOK AT HOW CUTE THIS PIE IS'

Well, you know the saying: my anaconda don't want none... Is usually my stock response, because people don't know what to say to that. It worked better when I had more ass, but I can still make it shake real good as I shashay away. If necessary, throw a good fuck you in there too, or just flip em the bird, discreetly…

GOOD. What a nosy, judgmental asshat. And thanks for making me laugh - I will remember your solution if the situation comes up for me!

I think it would have done those kids good to hear you tell the guy to fuck off.

I love you. I want to be best friends with you and I'll make us the most disgustingly fat-laden cheesecakes going.

God, that's a really great response! I'd just say something like "Your face is stupid."

I love your response! Dignified perfection.
And I wish I had some cheesecake right now.

Obligatory.

And the dog just running out without apparently giving any thought to its action is a total dog move ; - )

This is the part I don't understand.

I still love book stores. I stare at my phone/lap top all of the time, I don't need to do it in order to read a book. Also, It's a lot less likely that a book will get stolen on the subway.

Dramatic recreation:

I was really hoping he was going to slam the door shut after the dog went out and then went back to doing his important cat stuff. "Oh the dog got out? Wonder how that happened? I was just sitting here licking my nuts—didn't see anything."

The moment that epitomizes cat behavior is that once he gets the door open, he has no pressing desire to actually leave the room. The dog trots out immediately and the cat sits there, admiring his own evil genius.

yay. A giant fucking snake learned how to open a door. I'm overjoyed.

This one is going to eat all the smaller ones.

Whereas some might say that preventing a woman from feeding her child who has no other caregiver options is uncivilized.

In the book, Carrie was never scrawny. She was fat and pimply. Usually emotional abuse like that shows itself in extra weight, as Margaret used to heap her plate full and tell her that the pimples were God's kisses or something like that.

Whatever her flaws, Margaret White has read the entire playbook. She will kill you for wearing mixed blends. Margaret White will kill you to death.

is really into Jesus (LIKE REALLY REALLY INTO HIM), and not so much into sin, polyester blends, these modern sluts, the basics of puberty, and Carrie.