Who wants to see me telling my dog how wonderful and special she is for a whole hour?

I'll just check my email before I put some pants on...two hours later I have done all of my internet chores in my underpants. It is amazing how much stuff I end up doing naked or almost naked just because I live alone and there is no one around to see/judge.

Hah! Obviously you are getting prepared for making new friends. It's like really cozy networking!

Hah! Paperbacks will always have a place, both in my heart and on top of the water tank of the toilet. I like my rice for eating, not for absorbing the toilet water from my expensive electronics!

Hey, it's just until menopause, then we get a whole new bag of fun surprises!

The other half of those periods involve me pooping myself something fierce. I am awarding my Best Awful Pooping Situation based on which is easier to read a book on the can with. Painful constipation wrecks havoc on my concentration, so the award goes to excessive pooping.

No, but the joke is on her. Incandecent bulbs require far more changing than an eco-friendly bulb, and I got the impression that this woman was the person changing all her own lightbulbs so have fun with that lady, you are only giving yourself more work.

About half of the periods I have are constipated periods (I don't actually know I'm not keeping track), and I will take excessive pooping over no pooping at all any time of the month.

So...come period time I can either look forward to excessive pooping or painful constipation, and it's always a surprise each time. I'm not the only person who upon realizing they are having their period thinks "This again? I hate you!" am I?

Oh street canvassers, you are pushing me closer and closer to the day when I just start yelling "I DON'T LIKE TALKING TO STRANGERS!!!" over and over and over or until they quickly back away from me. Seriously, there is never a time I want to stop on the street to have a conversation where someone is trying to get me…

I over heard two older ladies having pretty much this exact conversation while picking out lightbulbs! One of them had a daughter who was always telling her that she should be using the eco friendly ones instead of incandescents, and I guess mom just wasn't having it. She didn't like the way the eco-friendly ones…

I kind of like their pumpkin scone though, lord knows I'm not going to make one of the fucking things, and they are enormous!

The internet's obsession with bacon has also provided a window for people with strange bacon related....desires, to be open about their forbidden and weird love, and make it seem like a joke instead of what appears to be a very real fetish about sexing up slices of bacon.

Yeah, they always end up tasting like dried up tomato crud scraped off of a pot that was left to dry without being rinsed out properly. Chewy, but not a delicious chewy.

Fucking bacon! IT'S NOT EVEN THE MOST DELICIOUS MEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aw, poor Patrick.

Yeah...sexy consequences ;)

Oh well, if it's in an old movie and Sandra Dee is doing it, dog manuals for everyone!!!

Yeah, because throwing knives around when one is missing is definitely not overreacting. Yeesh, glad it didn't hit you :)

And then my ears pop, sometimes painfully, and I make a sound like SNORK! and my face gets all red and blotchy. I turn into a white and red Holstein cow from the neck up. It is awful.