Guy Fieri: A "Foodie" That Should Not Exist.

The Mac + Cheese Bacon Burger

I may or may not know people that worked in one of the places featured on his show, and they may or may not really fucking hate the guy. Also, when he pretends that he can guess the entire recipe of something in one taste, he's a lying sack of shit whose spies were in the place a week before - kinda like when "faith…

*bounces back up like a punch-me clown* TUBULAR!

Never in my life have I rolled my eyes so much. I just wanted to bitch-slap Guy everytime I saw that + sign or a goddamn "slang" word. Also it reads like he's yelling the menu at us. CALM DOWN GUY FIERI.

"though it's less common among kind mamas, some women experience the blues after giving birth"

It really burns my noodle when people who have benefited from good luck, good health care and/or won the genetic lottery take their good fortune as proof that they have somehow found the Holy Grail of parenting, and proselytize whatever kinky path they've taken as The Way.

RE #2 — I know an Elimination Communication (will never get old) mom, and I think it's hilarious that she believes her nanny is actually letting her kids crawl around bare-assed peeing all over the floors all day while she's at work. That lady is bringing diapers from home and doing a 5:15 garbage chute run or my…

Isn't this whole menu sort of a longform "Foods That Should Not Exist?"

They are made of red. Just red.

My 10 year old does a hilarious Guy Fieri impression. She has discovered it is an effective way to get away with talking with her mouth full, because M.Nectarine and I are too busy laughing to tell her to mind her manners.

Righteous Rojo Rings $12

Slatternly sloots share their hooters and cooters.

Around the bend and through the creek, we wore through several boots on our pairs of feet, when suddenly I turned upon hearing a hoot, "At last, at last, the majestic sloot!"

Am I the only one who thinks "sloots" sounds like something out of Dr. Seuss?

I seriously, seriously had to comment on his uncalled-for use of the word "wicked" before I could even read the rest of the menu because I was just so offended and I needed to vent. Now that I have read the rest of the menu, however, it just strikes me as... sad? Trying way, waaaaay too hard? He strikes me as the type…

MAKING FUN OF GUY FIERI IS CLEARLY ABLEIST BECAUSE HE CAN'T HELP THAT HE IS A DOUCHEBAG.

Two things. First, Guy Fieri is a human brillo pad. Second, Guy Fieri needs to stop using the word "wicked." Just because he came to New England a few times for his stupid "Diners and Dives" show does not give him the right use "wicked" as a way to spice up his douchebag menu descriptions. Fucking stop it, Guy. You…