Leaves kinda look like Navi from Zelda. And now I want Navi to just follow around Mitch McConnell all day long forever.

I’ve become best friends with Ben and Jerry, and I don’t feel good about it. :(

Aside from being a total colostemy bag full of racist bile as domestic policy, it doesn’t actually keep us safe from anything. It actually endangers us to generalize potential threats to the United States to this degree. We’re giving our enemies a blueprint for sailing through customs and remain undetected until it’s…

Former President Obama gets the reaction and adoration current President Trump wishes he could command. You just know he watched this and just sat there in his ill fitting suit and seethed.

Because we live in a cruel and indifferent universe; one where stupidity cultivates pride, instead of searing, blinding pain. This is why I cannot have godlike power, because if I did, making people’s stupidity hurt them directly would be the first thing I’d do.

‘Membah when colored folk weren’t allowed on the golf course and you could disciplene your wife without involving the cops?

FUCK RUBIO. Spineless cowardly little shit, get your ass back down here in Florida and face us! You spend all your time in the senate taking a shit on our state, the least you could do is let us yell at you for a few minutes!

Can Toby be president instead? Can we just swap them? Sure, foreign powers will still laugh at us, but at least the racism and xenophobia would be gone, and I bet Toby would be more responsible with the nuclear codes than Trump would.

I’d sooner let a facehugger near my head than let Kellyanne ‘into my heart’. UGH.

Lools like somebody can’t always get their Kellyanne ConWAAAAAAAAAAAY

Why not? When you begin life at the award ceremony as they hand you the giant gold trophy with billions of dollars inside, your actual qualities as a human don’t matter at all. Who cares if you’re spineless? Spineless money is still money.

Call in a favor from the Chesire cat. He’ll fuck their shit up real good.

‘Science’ lol, git outta here with that liberal goobeldygook. Science is dead in the age of Trump. The earth is flat, GMOs cause cancer, vaccines are full of autism, chemtrails are real, planned parenthood aborts republican babies, Jesus rode dinosaurs, coal waste is edible and global warming is a lie because I can…

He IS fighting anti-semitism! The only way to fight anti-semitism is to give the anti-semites all the power. Like all of it. Even more of it than you have as president. It’s the only way to stop them!

Well if Trump = Beiber, hopefully this will be what happens to him in 2020.

We have beaten fascists before, we will beat them again.

Former presidents are way easier to ignore than current ones. The eye of sauron that is the daily news cycle will turn toward the new administration and stay there for 4-8 years. The previous president will get a few articles and a restospective on NBC(D) or Fox(R). After that, it’s off to obscurity town.

BUT THAT SHOULD MEAN SERIOUS THERAPY AND YEARS OF RECOVERY, NOT BOOK DEALS, SPEAKING GIGS, STATUS AS A RISING POLITICAL STAR AND THUMBS UP FROM THE POTUS!

There must be something in the water at the NBA, because the stupidity is spreading.

Because....BECAUSE THE EARTH IS ALSO IN ON THE CONSPIRACY, IT’S THE ONLY EXPLAINATION