Why have I even bothered with the playoff beard in support of this team if it doesn’t work?

When asked what the time is, I now automatically respond with:

“It’s high noon.”

There is a single optometrist surgeon out there who is impatiently waiting for a chance to perform delicate eye surgery, and as his meticulous tools approach the patient’s eye, he will whisper, “Pass through the iris.”

Every day, at 12:00 p.m.:

“It’s hiiiiigh noon.”

Mostly I just say DVA ONLINE, because I really love her accent.

“Watching this crybaby succeed makes me very upset.”

Five or more runs allowed in five or fewer innings is what’s known to the advanced metrics nerds as a Qualcomm Start.

And what an empty jersey he’s turned out to be.

I look forward to PRESIDENT TRUMP focusing on a Brady-friendly judge to nominate to the Supreme Court.

Despite the fact that Simmons has, uh, limited camera appeal...

Meh - I’ve seen better.

If the lackey acts like this, imagine what the villain is like!

A friend on twitter mentioned that Ovechkin is now hockey’s Carmelo Anthony. I thought that was an apt comparison

I submit the Sitar is the most pretentious instrument.

Shutup Gordon, and go back to the Ren-Fair(e)!

I’ve always viewed the harmonica as the equivalent of a Christina Aguilera’s singing - it’s perfectly fine when restrained, but lord help us when the confidence kicks in and the oversinging starts.

I can tell you have not moved to Brooklyn by the way you ask that question.

All these novelty instruments folks are naming might have higher percentages of pretentiousness, but the all-time champ by total count is, without question, the acoustic guitar.

Theremin.

I love Arcade Fire, and Regine might be their most important member. But come on, man, let go of the hurdy gurdy.