If they were screening this movie in my living room, I'd pay $15 not to be there.

When Tiger Woods was getting off with porn stars behind his wife's back, the sports media all knew about it but kept their mouths shut. How else could they have come up with so much material about his cheating and activities within a day of the story breaking if they didn't know about it beforehand?

You're trolling, right? There's no reason for a fan to touch an athlete during play, unless you know there's a sniper on the roof about to shoot him and you're the only one who can save him.

it's nice that some of the Eagles know what ties are now.

Griffey's eyes are the cold, dead eyes of a man who is on his 14th commenting system of the decade.

I do not like this new kinja experience. Nope. I don't like it at all. Not one bit.

Sam: "I dunno, Coach. Even washed-up golfers are giving me shit. This is a really difficult time for me..."

Carter was later seen leaving the arena with his ear in a sling.

Hey girl, hope you're having suicidal thoughts because my only specialty is jumpers.

I hope they use this for good and warn everyone about 9/11.

Proud of you Jennifer. Don't listen to the assholes. This is how progress is made. Two steps forward, then a hesitant shuffle to the side, and then WHAM, three steps backwards through the air.

He was released on his own recognizance due to the fact that he's no longer a threat to run.

Gawker and Jez have pretty much concluded that he is an unholy demon spawn of Willy Wonka, Pee Wee Herman, Sheldon from BBT, and Loki.
That orgy picture is now in your mind space, so you have that going for you.

The last retirement that freed up cap space was Barry Bonds'.

I don't know how the fuck they didn't have the three winners face off. I think everyone assumed that was the logical next step. Who in charge thought that more dunks would be bad?

Or Tiger Woods.

But she really did meet Greg Oden

Emergency Operator: Now, just to be clear, you're a man stuck in a shaft and not vice versa, correct?