Patrick has been fired for not referencing the extensive real-world history of ballistas being used to kill flame-breathing magical lizards the size of 747s.

It’s interesting and a bit weird whenever a celeb shaves off their famous beard.

This is the least corrupt league Gronk has ever participated in.

I suggested Rob Manfred Is A Fucking Terrorist for the headline but Redford is his own man.

Yes, this 10,000-word profile of Tom Brady on a whole different website definitely proves that we at Deadspin are obsessed with Tom Brady.

When did this happen? Now I can’t stop seeing Uncle Shaq...

Weird that you didn’t include a source. Here’s Reuters:

Oh, exactly...Obama’s wars. How could I forget when 9/11 happened on his watch so he went to war in Afghanistan in 2001; and then when he declared a Global War on Terror and went into Iraq in 2003 (which totally did 9/11 and had nukes) way back when he was actually President George W. Bush. And then when he got an…

“There were no ‘Where is Roger’ chants during the Steelers dominating victory last night, period.” #SpicerFacts

Yeah. That’s called the financial markets recovering from the financial crisis. And Obama’s ability to tax high earners was obviously constrained by a Republican Congress. Idiot.

First they came for the Jews, and I said nothing.
Next they came for the blacks, and I said nothing.
Next they came for the gays, and I said nothing.
Next they came for the Mexicans, and I said nothing.
Next they came for the baseball writers, and I said “BY GOD THE SANCTITY OF THE HALL OF FAME MUST BE DEFENDED!!!!”

You’re fucking crazy. Bookstores were the best places in America.

I stayed at a hotel in San Antonio when the Suns were playing the Spurs in the playoffs. The night before the game I was in the hotel bar, and Mike Breen, Jon Barry and Jeff Van Gundy,were who was televising the game for ESPN, were at the other table. Van Gundy got a phone call, and he just started yelling into the…

I was a contractor in Baghdad in 2006-2007 when the most patriotic and ‘Merican of all entertainers, one Mr. Toby Fucking Keith, graced us with his presence. Being a jaded asshole, I was all prepared to roll my eyes as he visited and sucked up to the troops in front of the cameras for publicity’s sake. That shit did…

A men’s club in my town had an annual father-son banquet which featured some athlete to speak, sign autographs, et cetera. One year the guest was Ken Stabler, who after the banquet asked where the nearest bar was. So everybody followed the Snake to the only tavern out there—this is in very, very rural northwest…

I was alone in an elevator with Ruth Bader Ginsburg and she farted. I was going to ignore it like a gentleman when she said “woah did somebody step on a duck.” We both laughed and she turned to me and said “no one will ever believe you if you tell this again.” She is one wise lady.

It wasn't a joke "about Hitler and swastikas." It was a perfectly incisive joke about Rovell's post-human brand worship. It wouldn't work if he'd chosen a less offensive symbol.

Darren Rovell brings his own whistle to the beach, so he can notify the lifeguards if there's any horseplay.