Go, Tita— *falls into coma*

Magnificent. 

similar in Portland. We used to always get Titans games on CBS when they had a a 10 am game, but now we just get the national game. 

“... each one trying to deafen passersby with the soundtrack to a fucking ICE raid.”

No way anyone would believe that stupid name.

And like Dallas, Brandy’s not gonna get a ring any time soon.

I think you’re underrating “Hawaiian Tebow.” Sneaky good burn there.

Here in Eugene, for the first two years after he was drafted, people couldn’t shut up about Mariota. They wore Titans gear with their Ducks gear. He was going to take the Titans to so many Super Bowls Tom Brady would die of shame. Vagina Hands!

I definitely oppose spending 0.02% of the federal budget on school lunches for poor people because I don’t have freedom if federal dollars are spent thusly, and not because such spending disproportionately provides food for minority children.

He should do another made up team like the “Houston Texans” next.

Yeah, this is the cheeriest letters section in like a week!

Two lines from this WYTS that cement my everlasting allegiance to Drew:

Man, that was some dark shit yesterday, huh?

“It’s full of racists feigning as libertarians”

“Hey, I wish there was a city that had Dallas’s urban planning, but also drunken bachelorettes!”

I’ll be honest, for a moment there, when Jeff Fisher’s name popped up, I had to stop for a second and thought to myself, “wait, Jeff Fisher *isn’t* still the coach of the Titans?”

Drew, this was hysterical. To go to all the trouble of writing a WYTS for a team that’s not real is simply genius. 

Well, at least no one’s dad died watching the Titans lose!

Exactly! There’s a whole damn movie starring a two-time Oscar winner called ‘Remember the Titans’ and still people can’t

Bryan’s story is basically the plot of Angels in the Outfield, except instead of the Angels he has the shitty Vikings and his dad is never coming back.