Age ain’t nothing but a number. A number that conveys how many years have passed since you were born.

One of these years we’ll get the ‘Zards-‘Zers NBA Finals we deserve.

Gotta love the guy who wants to make sure  you know he’s never done “any drugs” but boozes at volume on the regular.

It’s easy to forget that when you smell poop, it means tiny molecules of poop are flying through the air and up into your nose.

That’s fantastic. I really like how you use words.

Like Gronk was going to prevent a 69-yard touchdown from happening. 

[Kicks in door]

“Mr. Snyder, I think I just figured out how to make our team better AND how to get everyone to forget about Reuben Foster - at the same time!”

Time is a flat circle. 

More hyperbolic liberal reporting desperately wanting human-caused global warming to be real, when actually the fossil record shows that Arco Arena regularly filled with smoke during the Paleozoic Era.

I’ve gone from hating the Green Zone to getting irritated that other broadcasts don’t have it, in just under two months.

“...with the progressive and innovative leadership of NBA Commisioner Adam Silver.”

Ok bro. 

Nobody. In fact, I am a middle-aged white male who has benefitted enormously from the status quo.

Short answer? “Soft power.”

No, if women wanted to make it in film, they’d just do better work.

BUT LOOK AT THAT WINGSPAN

You have precise and refined fast food opinions, and I respect the shit out of that. 

Well, yeah, it’s October, the foliage is awesome, not sure who needs convincing to give in and enjoy it.

For real, the ending is soooo good.

For real, the ending is soooo good.