One of the most frustrating yet hilarious phone conversations I’ve ever had: walking my grandpa through making a grilled cheese.

Back in the day, before you just Googled your recipe and printed it out, my mother tried a recipe from a magazine, pumpkin pie with marmalade in it, and decided it was the best thing ever. She carefully copied it in her beautifully even older-person handwriting, and when she came to visit on Christmas she insisted I…

I don’t know if this is the most spectacular one I’ve ever had but it’s the best picture of a disaster I’ve got:

I did this just a few months ago. A couple times a month I make a huge batch of soup, and then that’s my lunch to take to work for the rest of the week. One of my favorites is a roasted corn soup that has poblano peppers, zucchini, shallots, cream, and a little parmesan cheese in it. I was just finishing cooking up a…

Three things to know. One, my husband, like many men, is convinced that recipes are merely suggestions. Two, he’s seriously into making pizza. Three, he’s also cheap AF. A couple of years ago he tried copying all the big chain pizza restaurants’ recipes. The one pertinent to this story is Pizza Hut’s pan pizza. We…

I am crying at the two cups of dried pesto. Much like you, I also learned to cook very young after my parents divorced. I think I graduated from microwave to stove around 10-11; I really got into trying to become skilled at it as a teen, and that started out not so much poorly as ‘extremely bland’.

I was 12, and had been cooking and baking with fairly minimal supervision for about three years. My mom (single parents) was busy with errands and needing to work on a Saturday, when we were also supposed to be hosting guests from church for dinner. I offered to make the lasagna for dinner, to save her some time.

At work, and in my life, I spend a lot of time talking about Lucretia Mott (abolitionist, women’s rights reformer, all around amazing Quaker) and I’m also kind of obsessed with her food tendencies. She carried snacks around in her cloak. She loved to cook and was proud of it. So much that when a newspaper misprinted…

Disclaimer: this was when I was about 8, but I started cooking fairly independently around 3 or 4 and have enjoyed cooking my entire life. This is also the disaster that is still brought up regularly almost 35 years later.

We have a leaf blower man in our neighborhood. I swear he only uses the leaf blower as an excuse to get away from his family because he is out there leaf blowing for hours and hours. He’ll start at 5:30 and he’s still out there at 8:30, after it is dark! What is he blowing away? No one knows! The front “lawns” in our…

I feel this in my soul. We refer to our neighbor as leaf blower man. I am convinced that leaf blowers are completely useless, a tool designed to burn fossil fuels and get men out of doing any meaningful second shift work. 

Yeah, he has kind of a weird shaped head for really short hair. So do I, but I cover it up with a hat, so it’s ok.

That is really, really not a good look for him. He looks like he belongs in a particularly boring FMV game about, I dunno, mortgage insurance.

I prefer “garment engineer”

I’m fond of “fabric welder”

Not the amount - how they spent it. If Aunt Becky had taken her half a mil to the school’s development office, she’d be straight. Her kid would probably have gotten in AND she wouldn’t be facing federal charges.

In my experience (Ivy grad), people talk shit about athletes being “unqualified,” but it was the legacies and the people whose parents bought their way in who were the stupidest and laziest. I can think of two exceptions among the people I went to school with, both from “do you know who I am?” type families in terms…

dont forget uses drugs to get manipulate straight young men who are addicts into fucking and marrying him.

So An arrogant redneck with a persecution complex and who when one of his employees gets their arm ripped off, had time to throw on a paramedic jacket while they almost bleed to death, and wonder out loud if this is gonna “kill him financially”, is an asshole ? You don’t say !

I make a comment in a previous article about Tesla cars lacking soul and one of the Tesla fanboys attacked me for a half a dozen comments. They’re insane.