Florida Men Attempt to Set World Record, Accidentally Kill Off World's Remaning Manatees

She's not imaginary, she's from Canada. We met at summer camp. I don't have any photos cause her family is really strict about that stuff.

My daughters are the second generation of modest dressing in this family.

That mouse is most definitely named Douglas.

I feel just like that mouse whenever I manage to flip my motherfreaking mattress with no help whatsoever.

This seriously detracts from the appeal of flying private, in all honesty. I'm a very reclusive pooper. Just the notion of having to look people in the eye while I drop a deuce gives me anxiety.

It should be noted that I wrote this piece as I sat one row behind Madeleine Albright on a train from NYC to DC today so I was especially inspired.

I am so sad this happened, but this girl is awesome for making a scene and standing up for herself. I'm twice her age, and I'm not positive I could assert myself like that in such a creepy situation.

Actually, you are wrong.

Remember: With rights come obligations. For instance, when rejected clearly and swiftly, you have an obligation to respect the decision. It is not the time to throw a hissy fit, call the woman names, or have a temper tantrum in the men's room, nor is it something to be waved off as a minor setback in your plans for…

Where's the negative star button?

Not only is that stupid, it's not even how serfdom works.

If you've never been called ugly or fat, you're not really the best person to determine who's doing it. I've been called ugly and/or fat far too many times to count, and the overwhelming majority of the comments have come from men. I've never had a strange woman become furiously angry with me for existing while being…

Three if you count the lucky one in the middle ;)

I do believe you've just described every Adam Sandler movie ever made.