They sortof are, what with the gooey stringy melted cheese, the fragrant steam that rises when you break the crust, the sting of salt followed by the warm yeasty taste of the dough, the pleasantly resistant meat that disintegrates between the teeth...and now I hate you for lovingly explaining my drunken hot pocket…

Clinic defense is cool. We work to make sure that patients can access abortion services comfortably and without restraint from protestors.

I've already read your side plenty of times before. What this woman is espousing is nothing new, and the kind of identity policing that trans people even do to each other sometimes. And the personal experiences of my friends have demonstrated to me that it is wrong and harmful. I know people who delayed transitioning…

So apparently this is a thing.

I'm sorry! Even crickets? I thought crickets were nice... :(

We live in a country where one of the justices in the highest court it is possible to have believes that there is a magic evil man running around the world and doing evil things to people with his evil magic powers.

This is a real thing that is true about the United States.

Wow, that is way more descriptive than I've ever seen Hemingway's writing. I guess he feels more detail-oriented when it comes to fantasizing about protecting his mistresses and his fish?

1. He says ‘I don’t get it, why are you still a virgin at 24?’

"Thanks for your email. Now I'm going to be vaguely insulting in telling you my preferred means of communication. So we can be properly synced. To fit my needs. Oh, yes, and this is an auto-reply, so I'm a massive turd for sending this non-reply to literally everyone (It's not just you! Whoever you are.)."

So, this is only tangentially connected, but what is the general consensus of a "potluck" wedding? Like, you're poor, you want to invite a bunch of friends to come celebrate in your back yard, and you ask people to bring some eats or booze instead of a pricey gift. Is this weird/does it violate the concept of "if you…

"vaguely traumatic"? The hell, Doug Barry?

Male tarantulas, I'm gonna let you finish (ba-dum-ch!) but male peacock spiders have the coolest mating ritual of all spider time. None of this lame 'tapping on burrows' shit. What do you think this is, the Shire?

Education time, children. Spiders, including tarantulas, do not have a penis. What they have are pedipalps, which are the shorter pair of legs that are up front right next to their fangs. In males, these have what look like boxing gloves at the end, which are used like that thing you use to suck up all the grease when…

After inseminating the female, male tarantulas often meet a tragic fate: if females are hungry, they sometimes overpower and then devour them.

I was expecting footage of monkeys stealing a car. I am disappoint.

He then takes you to Red Lobster on a second date and pays with a gift card.

Riesling: Tells you all of your life choices are wrong, and you should be more professionally aggressive. Only owns one bath-towel.

Boxed wine is that really normal, somewhat boring, and really predictable guy you met in college - probably in an English or philosophy class - who you're really glad you stay in touch with every once in a while, but not too often.