Thank you! My mother’s ancient copy is dog-eared to hell and back but I still crack it open to a random page and laugh.

Lovely.

Calling all desperate LA wannabe-celeb girls: the sweetest bearding gig in all the land just opened.

Oh my god I had completely forgotten about the annual map unit. We had MapQuest by the time I was in later elementary school, but teachers always insisted that we wouldn’t be able to take the internet with us in our pockets. Oh the early aughts.

Bernadette Peters in Cinderella awakened my childhood love of camp.

Well I thought she had a fairly good relationship with her aunt Gertrude Vanderbilt Whitney, who certainly wasn’t in need of any meal tickets, from her or otherwise.

If there are no gay assholes, how do they do the sex to each other?

I wonder if Oscar Isaac gets sick of people throwing themselves on the ground before him and screaming “TAKE ME”?

My fellow millennial undergrads:

I’m 21 now, so it’s no longer an issue for me personally, but IDs are so complex these days that a remotely workable fake ID can be insanely expensive, and you still run a solid chance it’ll be taken anyway. So people borrow them, because cops don’t get involved for fake ID stuff unless you’re getting a shipment of…

Jonathan Groff is one of those attractive celebrities whom I find less and less hot the more exposed I am to him.

Wow, spot on.

Masturbating. I was really good at masturbating.

Yeah partly this is super sad but also like homie stay the fuck out of North Korea. And if you can’t stay the fuck out of North Korea, you mind your p’s and q’s while you’re there for fuck’s sake.

I’m a pretty big clothes snob but I’ll be god damned if American Eagle’s chinos aren’t fucking excellent. Great fit, last for years, look great with a crisp shirt and an unlined blazer or with a t-shirt and ball cap, the fabric has an fantastic hand. And very cheap.

Socio-economically low status whites have largely been the drivers of active oppression towards minorities since the end of slavery. High status white may not have wanted to live near them, or see them, or think about them, but they weren’t the ones tangibly afraid of a black family moving in next door. To a…

Fuck me Hot Jesus?

You know, after roughly half a century of everyone you meet, your mother included, absolutely fucking loathing you, you’ve gotta be pretty philosophical about it.